Utah - BYU

[Sunridge Sledhead]

Harvard, Yale, and BYU guys on a plane...

They start talking...half way through the flight the Harvard guy says to the Yale guy..."You must be from Yale?" Yale guy asks..."How did you know?" Harvard guy..."Your intelligence, grammar, and nice clothes etc.!"

Yale guy says to Harvard guy...."And, you must be from Harvard?" Harvard guy...."How did you know?" Yale guy...."Your mannerisms, etiquette, and obvious brilliance etc.!"

They both turn to the BYU guy...."So, you're from BYU huh?" BYU guy (all excited and proud)...."So how did you know? My intelligence? Good looks? Clothes?" Harvard and Yale guys...."Nope! We saw your class ring when you were picking your nose and eating it!"

 

[Freak]

Q- where do you hide a 100 dollar bill in a Utes house?
A- under a bar of soap.


Q- what happens when Ute fans stop paying their trash bill?
A- they stop delivering?

 

[The Boondock Saint]

What do a Ute and a Cougar have in common?

They both applied to BYU.

 

[The Boondock Saint]

Four fans of different teams went hiking. There was a BYU fan, Utah fan, WSU fan, and a USU fan. As they climbed the mountain, they argued who was the most loyal to their school.
When they reached the summit, the WSU fan proved his loyalty yelling, "This is for the Wildcats!" throwing himself from the mountain. The USU fan not wanting to be outdone, yelled, "This is for the Aggies!" and plunged to his death. The BYU fan then shouted, "This is for everyone else!" and pushed the Ute fan over the edge.

 

[The Boondock Saint]

One day in an elementary school in Salt Lake City, UT, a teacher asks her class if the Utah Utes are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The BYU Cougars "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Cougar fan, my mom is a Cougar fan, I guess that makes me a Cougar fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Utah fan."

 

[The Boondock Saint]

There was a kid who had been beaten as a child.
He decided to take his problems to the judge
When the judge found his parents guilty he asked the kid "where do you want to live"
The kid replied, "I want to live with the utes because they dont beat anybody"

 

[The Boondock Saint]

What do you call a Ute with half a brain?

Gifted

 

[The Boondock Saint]

A fellow walks into a restaurant, orders a drink and asks the waiter if he'd like to hear a good U of U joke. "Listen, buddy," the waiter growled. "See those two big guys on your left? They were both linemen on the U of U football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at the U. That guy in the corner was the U's all-time champion weightlifter. And I lettered in three sports at the U. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?"

"Nah, guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times.'

 

[The Boondock Saint]

How do you tell the difference between a BYU coed and a U of U coed?

The BYU coed is looking for a husband. The U coed is looking for the father.

 

[The Boondock Saint]

Why are a tornado and a Ute divorce similar?

You know someone is going to lose a house trailer!

 

[The Boondock Saint]

So, Kyle Whittingham grew so frustrated at his inability to beat the Cougs the last two years, he decided to watch BYU's practice in disguise and ask Bronco why he's been so successful. Bronco replied I have smart players, let me demonstrate, so he calls Max Hall over to him and asks. Who is your fathers, brothers, nephew. Max instantly replies Bronco, that's easy, that'd be me. Kyle Whittingham left very impressed.

The next day at practice, Kyle asks Brian Johnson BJ, who is your fathers brothers nephew. BJ thinks and thinks and thinks and finally says, Wouldn't that be me? Kyle is furious and yells, NO YOU IDIOT, IT'S MAX HALL!!!!!!

 

[The Boondock Saint]

Whats the difference between a porcupine and Rice Eccles Stadium?

The porcupine has 20,000 pricks on the outside.

 

[Bubba700]

LMAO,
A byu , Ute and an Aggie fan are all at a bathroom at Chillis,
On their way out the Aggie fan takes a long time to make good and sure his hands are clean he looks over at the other 2 and says "at USU they teach us to be thourgh in everything". Well the Ute fan steps up washes up quick and says " At the U they teach us to be quick and efficient." The BYU fan walks past them rolls his eyes and says " Down at the Y they teach us to just not piss on our hands!"

 

[HMC 399]

this thread shows how desperately we need snow, I say lets sacrifice both teams to the snow gods. Let it snow

 

[Bigrock33]

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a refrigerator?
A: The coed can hold more food.

Q: What's 36-24-32?
A: A BYU coed's leg.

Q: What has an I.Q. of 144?
A: Twelve BYU coeds.

Q: Why do BYU coeds wear stripes?
A: So you can tell if they're standing up or lying down.

Q: Why do BYU coeds have such a terrible time in the morning?
A: They're so fat they rock themselves to sleep trying to get up.

Q: What happens when a BYU coed walks into a room?
A: The mice jump up on chairs.

 

[Bigrock33]

Q: What do you get when you cross a BYU coed with a pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

Q: How many BYU football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. . ..but he gets three credit hours for it.

Q: How do Cougar brain cells die?
A: Alone.

 

[Freak]

Utes new logo/motto

...

 

[Bigrock33]

LaHurl had been attending BYU for 6 years without going on a mission and still did not have enough credits to graduate.

At the commencement ceremony with almost the entire student body assembled a chant broke out: ``Let LaHurl graduate, Let LaHurl graduate!''

The university president, realizing he had a potential riot on his hands and being depressed at the thought of having LaHurl return for another year, calmed the crowd by announcing that if LaHurl would come up and answer a one-question exam, he would give LaHurl a diploma.

LaHurl jumped up on the stage and the president said, ``You have one chance, LaHurl, What is 9 times 9''? LaHurl beamed and blurted out 81.

A stunned silence followed. Then a murmur. Then one cry, then another, soon the whole throng was chanting, ``Give him another chance! Give him another chance!''

 

[powderho]

LaHurl

OMG - LMFAO - FUNNIEST CHIT I'VE SEEN ON THIS THREAD

 

[phatty]

got to brag a little bit here... Mr. Hammer is one of my good friends!!!

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_11025123


oh and

What's the difference between a BYU coed and a police car?
It takes two police cars to create a roadblock.