Some ?'s for the older and wiser Snwstrs

[JustinB]

Not sure if anyone has a similar situation but I am young stupid and have no idea what to do.

My wife and I recently split up and are sorting through our things. Well comes to find out I put both my sleds in her name and her lawyer is advising her to sell them. Well she is bitter because the truck and the house are mine. That and my kids are in the mix too and I would rather her sell the sleds then ask for full custody. My problem is at my age and pay grade I cant afford a lawyer and I am going the represent my self route. So if anyone can advise me on what to do I could use all the help I can get.

 

[Hardass]

If she's is bitter And your trying to rep your self, and she has a lawyer your going to get hammered. You should think about a attorney i'm thinking.That said i have never been there, i'm sure there are plenty that have gone through the bitter divorce deal, i really do'nt think any one wins.

 

[AKSNOWRIDER]

you are going to loose if she has a lawyer and you dont...go talk to random lawyers and find out who the best divorce lawyer in town is and hire him....other wise a single guy..no lawyer is going to get hammered....just so you know..anything that gets sold is going to get split 50/50...dont sell anything..dont spend anything other then keeping the bills paid...unless you have enough equity in the house to buy the other out you will end up loosing it..also document every word said between you(always try to have creditable witnesses around when you talk to her)as for the kids..most likely she will get custody or you might get lucky and get joint custody(courts always favor the women on everything..they will always get more then the guy)..you are going to face one of the toughest things you will ever have to do in your life..keep your chin up, take things one thing at a time, handle everything as it comes up, and be respectful of everyone including your soon to be X,bottom line is you want to do what is best for the children, and you want every thing to be fair and equitable...best advise for communication is to use email...then you have a written record of everything said by both parties..I went thru it almost 5 yrs ago..still do everything by email...and I still kick her *** in court because I do exactly what the lawyer advised and I toe the line 100% on everything that involves her or the kids...she normally ignores court orders, does as she pleases , doesnt pay what is ordered..eventually it all comes around..the court just sits back and watches to see who screws up..then they nail them...good luck and remember...in time it will all be a faint memory and life will get better.......One last thing..your kids should be #1 in your life..leave the girls, the parties and the other stuff out of their lifes..you need to be there for them..in time you will have time and space to continue your own life..but for now..its about lessening the blow the kids took..never talk bad about the other parent, her friends or family....and always always make time daily to spend quality time with your kids..it shows them that its not their fault....good luck on your journey...How well you handle the tough times shows the man you are...........mike

 

[Skinner]

Damn Mike thats good advice! I would buy you a Beer for that!

Sorry i can't help much. But the advice you just got from AK is good and sound. Good luck!

 

[AKSNOWRIDER]

Damn Mike thats good advice! I would buy you a Beer for that!

Sorry i can't help much. But the advice you just got from AK is good and sound. Good luck!

yea..voice of experience...lost my shop, my home, trucks, toys and a half million in tools..all for a woman who thought partying was more important then family and business...was a big hill to climb..but I didnt have much else to do anyway....

 

[SledGimp]

Never been throiugh it pesonally and those are great suggestions but another thought is to not let your emotions out to quickly, think before you speak or write and if you get angry calm down and think before you react. Best of luck and being a child from a broken home I can agree that you do need to put the kids first, whish my parents had.

 

[BB454]

Don't try to be the nice guy, you will only get taken advantage of. Dig your heels in on every little thing or else you will loose it all. When I got married, I sold my vette to buy new furniture. Guess who got it? She also tried to take all of the stuff I owned before we got married. On top of that she tried to get child support for the kids from a previous marriage. Get a lawyer even if you have to borrow the money. I can't remember if Utan now requires you to go through a mediator, don't do it. They always rule in favor of the woman. Cut through the crap and go right to a judge and pray to God he is fair. Mediation only drags things out and screws you along the way.

 

[ccpowder]

1st - Dont worry about a lawyer yet. The state of Utah requires you to go to Mediation first.

2nd - What you had before you were together you keep (If a house is involved, you would likely split the equity you have gained since being together. Lucky for you the housing market tanked and you likely have stayed even or lost some). What you bought together reguardless of who's name it is in will get split 50/50.

3rd - Custody depends alot on age. If the kids are very young, she is entitled to full. After a certain age, it is up to you two to determine.

4th - Alimony is determined by lifestyle. You are both entitled to live similiar to how you did together if possible. If not possible, you both have to sacrifice, not a one way street.

5th - Child support is calculated by earnings and custody. If she doesnt work, you can include what she is capable of. This means at a minimum, 40 hours a week at minimum wage. If she is educated, it goes up.

All I can say is that you want to keep it as civil as possible and work together to get this $hit resolved.

 

[JustinB]

WOW

Thanks allot guys very good input. Same deal for me a girl who would rather party with her friends then be a mom and a wife. Its hard been with her for 8 years married for five. Both kids a under 5 so that scares me, but hey what can you do I live in utah. Right now we are only separated and the only reason she has a lawyer is because he is her dads buddy. Im hoping for the best out come, really I would go for a change of heart. But well have to go from here thanks guys allot of very sound advise. this forum rocks

 

[SledGimp]

WOW

Thanks allot guys very good input. Same deal for me a girl who would rather party with her friends then be a mom and a wife. Its hard been with her for 8 years married for five. Both kids a under 5 so that scares me, but hey what can you do I live in utah. Right now we are only separated and the only reason she has a lawyer is because he is her dads buddy. Im hoping for the best out come, really I would go for a change of heart. But well have to go from here thanks guys allot of very sound advise. this forum rocks

Just read your signature, you might want to change it.

 

[indyman96]

It seems like these days its not even worth taking the risk of getting married. I got married when i was only 24 and it lasted about 6 months. We didn't have kids our buy a house yet so i Just annulled her a$$ and bounced. She wasn't a bad person, i just hated being married. I got lucky with my situation, and learned that i will never get married again, but I see people in your situation all the time and feel horrible for them, laws ****k the husbands, and the wife's make out like a bandit. I don't know how they call that "equal rights", but it seems like it works out that way. Just my $.02

I hope everything works out for you and your kids.

 

[mtnpull]

Great advice aksnowrider.

 

[madmax]

Take CCpwder's advice. My divorce was 15 years ago. If she has a lawyer and you don't you will get totally hosed. Especially if she is pissed at you. My advice, goto mediation and get things worked out.

 

[ADRENALINE]

Been in your shoes and here is my .02. You have two roads.

One road is that she is still willing to talk and mediate out of court, with or without her lawyer. On this road you will not have a lawyer, or at least minimal help from one but YOU are doing the talking not your lawyer. Keep this in mind, what she wants she will get in the end if you piss around about it, just give it to her. If she starts dividing the salt shakers/custody/every other little thing then immediately go get a lawyer but be careful, there are some money hungry ones, and there are good ones.

Road two is you both have lawyers, mediation or not it is about talking. If you stick your feet in the sand on every little thing she is going to ask for more...or at least her lawyer will tell her she can get more and that is where greed gets in the way. It is about give and take in either case.

I got the house, kids 50/50, more child support than I think I should have to pay, the house and 50K in extra debt she racked up....but she is gone! I fought way too hard and paid a lawyer 20K and I really don't think that is the way to go....KEEP TALKING IF YOU CAN and keep the lawyers out of it.

Dang i feel like Dr. Phil after all that. PM me if you need a hand

 

[ThrillSeeker]

Some decent advice there AKSNOWRIDER...

You get a good lawyer and make sure it is a Woman...

Divorce... Been there done that... learned alot in my divorce... enought to help out a buddy of mine years later in a very similar situation... He got a Jewish Lawyer (Woman) and did alright...

Hang in there... there is life after divorce... sometimes even a better life... ask me how I know

 

[Chief]

The last thing you need to know is it really doesn't matter in Utah who's name the stuff's in. It's all going to be listed as property of the marriage unless you owned it outright prior to the marriage.

 

[JustinB]

Wanna thank all of you who gave me advise and inspiration about my situation. You are all bunch of 110% stand up people on this forum. Friends I never met but would look forward too meeting. To date through the fighting and crap we said and did we started marriage counseling and are now back together after six weeks apart things are looking up. The kids are happy and love having mom back home. Again thanks everyone. I owe you all around someday

 

[SledGimp]

Wanna thank all of you who gave me advise and inspiration about my situation. You are all bunch of 110% stand up people on this forum. Friends I never met but would look forward too meeting. To date through the fighting and crap we said and did we started marriage counseling and are now back together after six weeks apart things are looking up. The kids are happy and love having mom back home. Again thanks everyone. I owe you all around someday

Huge congrats, and keep up the good work. May the best come your way.

 

[1MEX]

Wanna thank all of you who gave me advise and inspiration about my situation. You are all bunch of 110% stand up people on this forum. Friends I never met but would look forward too meeting. To date through the fighting and crap we said and did we started marriage counseling and are now back together after six weeks apart things are looking up. The kids are happy and love having mom back home. Again thanks everyone. I owe you all around someday

Nice to hear. Congrats!! myself and the wife spent a year apart. Now that we are together, its better. We still have issues but its alot easyer to resolve because we now know how it affected our kids more than us. to you and your wife for doing it right.

 

[AKSNOWRIDER]

Congrats...staying togeather and working thru the problems may be the hardest to do... glad your trying..best advice I can give.....total honesty and open comunication....you each have to learn to HEAR what the other is saying..and understand thier position....then reach a compromise you can both live with.............