Jealousy?!?!?

[IdahoCrystal]

Jealousy is a weird deal - The only time I get jealous of another woman along is when I can't go - I'd try really hard not to be all pouty about it, but jeez I wanna ride too! I know my guy gets a little envious when I go on girls rides, but only because he wants to go ride too.

There are times he wants to go and ride with people who are in his skill level without having to worry about me or deal with my stucks - And I get that - I don't always like it and I'm probably not very good at hiding it, but I get over it and let it go and he knows that too.

He mentioned this thread and we talked about it and we both thought it was a bit outside of rational for people to stay in untrusting relationships. There is no one I trust more than my husband - to ride with, to lead, to take care of and fix my toys or to get me to the emergency room when I bite it hard - He's my moderation, my better judgement and my unstuck - I can't imagine not trusting him to go on a trip with other women.

 

[CoryHinsz]

Those friends are a bunch of asses. The men sure did not act like men. I have ridden with Emily Moreshead and Amy Enns and they were great to ride with. Neither one had their boyfriends and it was not a hook-up ride. We had fun and I plan to ride with Emily some more. Get better friends.

 

[clamlake600]

sounds crazy to me.
if my wife was freaking out because a girl was going on a trip with 9 other guys sledding. I would have to start seriously questioning if this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
ok if she was a X or something or if she had a rep I could poss see but just a girl going on a trip?
now if it was me and 9 girls I am sure there would be issues.

Ezra, just tell your wife they are all with me...no issues!!

 

[USED2BE]

My 6-8 Buds and I have been riding together for over 35 years. Most of our wives ride with us, not all the time, but most of the time. If they don't go, they can't bitch because another woman did.

One of the guys passed about 10 years ago. His widow, 60 years old, still rides with us most of the time, including overnights and week long trips to the UP. Sometimes on our long trips, when none of the wives go, she has to bunk in a room with one or more of us guys. We respect her as a veteran trail rider, and, we respect her as a person. She is one of us!

There has never been any problem with wives complaining that I know of. I guess its because we are all tight friends, including our wives.

So Missy.... You Go Girl!

 

[phatty]

I have seen the effects first hand. Couple of gals I knew used to go riding without their husbands with other dudes (in large groups).
Both those gals ended up cheating on their husbands/families with dudes they went riding with. Caused messy divorces and large divides of friendships. The biggest losers were the kids.

So yes. I completely agree with some of the wives who stay at home while their husbands ride for their stance and view of not wanting a single female to go along for the vacation. Its better to be safe than sorry. Has nothing to do with jealous and everything to do with not putting their husband in that situation.

 

[Missy]

I have seen the effects first hand. Couple of gals I knew used to go riding without their husbands with other dudes (in large groups).
Both those gals ended up cheating on their husbands/families with dudes they went riding with. Caused messy divorces and large divides of friendships. The biggest losers were the kids.

So yes. I completely agree with some of the wives who stay at home while their husbands ride for their stance and view of not wanting a single female to go along for the vacation. Its better to be safe than sorry. Has nothing to do with jealous and everything to do with not putting their husband in that situation.

I completely understand where you are coming from Phatty, however I believe if those wives were going to cheat they would have done it no matter how they met. It all has to do with ones morals.

I am sent on work trips frequently, with all men, and have stayed in the same condo/house shared quarters, had meals together etc. I have never been party to cheating with a married man and would not because of my morals. Should I be disallowed to go on my work trips? I have had a few co-workers wives that were a bit jealous/uncomfortable. Why? Doesn't that have to do with trust in your relationships?

I think we have all seen or heard of many individuals cheating on their spouses in various situations. This is sad and very detrimental to their children.

But the bottom line is, if those guys I would have went on this trip with decided to be unfaithful to their spouses that will not change just because I am not going with. You cannot (or at least I cannot) live your life stipulating what your spouse can or cannot do, you must communicate and trust.

I was invited to the ride and confirmed at the same time as the rest of the crew. I think if a wife decides 3 months later she doesn't want her husband to go if there will be a female rider along for the trip, then he should stay home with his wife. He always has the choice to say "no" to a trip if it includes a female.

I am lucky that I have other friends with trusting and supportive wives that do not feel that way. Because this sport is still somewhat male dominated, it would be awful if everyone excluded the female rider.

 

[meathooker]

Has nothing to do with jealous and everything to do with not putting their husband in that situation.

yes, and as a man putting yourself in a situation. ive seen too many people throw their families away for a few minutes of fun. its sad.

this reminds me of something Adam Carolla said on a his show years ago:

its easy to not cheat when there's not an opportunity. the average guy can say "brad pit is such a douche for cheating on jennifer" but the average man doesnt have angelina jolie jumping on top of them either.

personally i dont do the following:

in school i never studied one-on-one with a female
at work i dont go to lunch one-on-one with a female
if at all possible i dont travel out one-on-one to a jobsite (had to do it a couple times a few years ago)

out of respect for my wife. she doesnt say that i "cant", but i dont feel right doing it.

even if you dont do anything there it leaves the door open for accusation, harassment lawsuits.


*flame suit on*

 

[wjl]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRte0S2a_dA

 

[T.O.T.]

Haha!!! I just watched the whole video! Wow that's a blast from the past!

 

[Missy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRte0S2a_dA

Bwahahaha

 

[girlpowder]

Now I'm starting to understand why it's just Ron and I that ride together and most everyone (excluding Missy, the Elardi's and Hector) that shine us. . Interesting thread and the comments made me think a bit. I'm just happy I like to ride and I have a riding partner that is my husband. Considering myself lucky! I will admit I've been jealous in the past when I didn't get to go riding but it was for the fact I couldn't go, not who was in the riding group.

 

[m8magicandmystery]

yes, and as a man putting yourself in a situation. ive seen too many people throw their families away for a few minutes of fun. its sad.

this reminds me of something Adam Carolla said on a his show years ago:

its easy to not cheat when there's not an opportunity. the average guy can say "brad pit is such a douche for cheating on jennifer" but the average man doesnt have angelina jolie jumping on top of them either.

personally i dont do the following:

in school i never studied one-on-one with a female
at work i dont go to lunch one-on-one with a female
if at all possible i dont travel out one-on-one to a jobsite (had to do it a couple times a few years ago)

out of respect for my wife. she doesnt say that i "cant", but i dont feel right doing it.

even if you dont do anything there it leaves the door open for accusation, harassment lawsuits.


*flame suit on*

you kinda hit the nail on the head...the sad part is in the end of it all we are corrupted humans and keeping the "temptation" at a distance is not a poor choice but often one that works and is NOT to be cast as a bad flaw in ones character but a thoughtful approach to the often REAL pitfalls of our nature..

so like the brand of sleds we like to ride...whatever works for the individuals..
we can't judge what satisfies the terms of a persons limits of fun or being uncomfortable..

I just hope everyone that wants to sled and have fun can..

 

[0neoldfart]

Everyone's welcome...

I've been a mountain sledder most of my adult life, and only took a hiatus when our kids were babies. Once they were 7-8 yrs old, my wife started to ride, and hasn't quit yet. We generally ride as a couple, but anyone is welcome to join us on a trip (male, female, or airmail lol). I've posted this on snow and mud before - my most reliable riding partner over the years has been my wife, and I suspect the reason is that she runs current iron that is set up for her, isn't pushed past her comfort zone (most of the time), and doesn't get yelled at when she sticks it or damages her sled. We've had other couples riding with us in years past, and most of the time they don't continue riding, which I attribute to (1) - negative riding experiences - too much, too fast, improper gear, (2) - feeling like they are holding the group or spouse up, (3) - riding a machine that is ancient and isn't set up for them, and (4) - overly critical spouses.
Anyone is welcome to ride with us as a couple or as individuals - the pace is dictated by the slowest or most inexperienced rider in the group. We don't tolerate people who bugger off and leave the group, or hotdog down the trail - my wife usually leads the newbies in, and I'll run as the sweeper. I hope the group reconsiders "casting you off the island"

 

[T.O.T.]

I have been following this thread and I have found many of the responses very interesting. I did not grow up with a dad around... or really any family to speak of. I was always into motorcross, asphalt racing, racing quads, race cars, rock crawlers, and anything that went fast. Everything I got into, I got into with whatever guy I was dating at the time. One day I woke up after being single for quite some time and realized I was bored. Why? Because I had always relied on a man to do all of these things with. That was the day I opened my eyes and realized that I could do all of the things I had been doing without a man.

Fast forward to when I picked up and moved myself cross country to Montana. It was indeed my bf that put me on a sled for the first time thinking that I would go when the other wives and gf's went and that would be that. Little did he know that he created a monster. I have about one season on a sled and I have quickly gotten better. His buddies no longer look at me as "his" responsibility when we head out. And this year "baby bird" is ready to fly the nest. I am excited to be planning rides with other groups and friends I have met snowmobiling. Does he worry that I may meet someone else or cheat??? I really don't think so. Do the other women at home worry I am out with the guys??? I should hope not. I am sure not a homewrecker and am appalled at the behavior of girls that are perceived as such.

Here's the thing... society is far different then it used to be. This discussion needs to start at home. If you don't trust your S.O. are you truly with the right person? It's easy to say "I don't want to put them in that situation" But REALLY???? Come on. That situation can occur at any time of any day and if you don't trust them to handle it you have other issues. It was brought to my attention that a single girl in a group of men is in a vulnerable situation. What kind of douche bags are you hanging with???

 

[m8magicandmystery]

it doesn't matter what two people say or agree at home...heck at the alter they all say till death do us part etc etc yada yada...and we have millions of divorces...so you can say fine to your partner and you have your understanding that all is fine...

but sadly we are human..granted exceptions,and many of them as well and glad for those instances..

 

[powderpilot]

It's easy to say "I don't want to put them in that situation" But REALLY???? Come on. That situation can occur at any time of any day and if you don't trust them to handle it you have other issues. It was brought to my attention that a single girl in a group of men is in a vulnerable situation. What kind of douche bags are you hanging with???

To me it's not as simple as not putting yourself in a situation where trouble can happen. I chose not to put myself in situations that might make others uncomfortable. Whether my partner is around or not, I don't do things that he wouldn't be comfortable with out of respect for him. I also won't ride with guys that have jealous wives, it's just not worth the drama.

Try riding a season as a single gal. I guarantee some woman at some point will call you up out of the blue and start freaking on you because you rode with her husband. I know a few girls on here have had stuff like that happen, including myself. So I tread carefully.

It's too bad everyone can't just be happy and secure in their relationships.

 

[T.O.T.]

It's too bad everyone can't just be happy and secure in their relationships.

I guess that is my point more or less... What have things come to that one person's personal happiness can be so affected by someone else's insecurities... It's sad really

 

[Skadi]

I know this thread was started about a specific incident but it REALLY has grown past that and it's been so interesting to see the VERY different comments from people...

All of which I think are valid points (mostly in that if you believe them that is the way you should operate for sure!!)

I think specifically the way things played out for Missy certainly weren't the ideal situation but after reading all these other thoughts on the subject I know I have a slightly different understanding of how some people think! (and I'm glad we didn't resort to flaming someone because of their opinion!!)

I think a lot of it has to deal with your life experiences getting up to this point (for all 3!! the 'other woman' who is out riding with the guys, the guys and the woman at home). All three need to come together and to be presented properly to have a situation that works and honesty when dealing with the issue always the best policy.. if you have some dudes you really like riding with but you start to get these funky feelings that things are just off address it with them!! and if you're the dude and you're having to HIDE the scene from your wife -yet you still choose to do it- you should probably let your female riding partner AND you wife know!! Honestly if I found out one of my guy riding friends was lying about the fact that I was along on the trip I probably would choose not to go with him very much!!

I don't think there is ANY correct answer... for me to limit my life and say I wouldn't go riding with a group of guys if my BF couldn't come along would be NUTS -but that's me... and that's D... we're just like that -not saying we're BETTER than any other couple but that's just the way we work ya know?? (plus we came at things a little differently possibly that we were both FIRMLY rooted in our sledding lives when we met; he didn't get me into the sport so he knows there are lots of guys I rode with before he came along and he doesn't expect me to just drop all those friendships because he's suddenly in the picture!) and like some of the other guys said, they would TOTALLY chose not to ride with a group if there was a single chick along for the out of town trip.... I can respect that. My brother is super 'traditional' in the way he thinks too so we've had LOTS of talks about stuff like that...

In the end it comes down to being open and up front with your riding partners and your living partners!

Super stoked for everyone who stepped in and commented -especially the guys who thought they would get flamed!

 

[Missy]

In the end it comes down to being open and up front with your riding partners and your living partners!

Super stoked for everyone who stepped in and commented -especially the guys who thought they would get flamed!

Well said! ^^^^^^^ Couldn't agree more

 

[foxyrmk]

well said Emily! Couldn't agree more with ya on that.

Funny thing, I'm gone more than him during this time of the year too.