I Double Dog Dare You!!!!!

[Trashy]

 

[Trashy]

 

[ccoleman77]

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great; I've never felt better!'
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
'So what do you think about that, Doc?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.'
One day he was setting off to go hunting.
In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'
'As he neared a lake, he came across a very large beaver sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home, so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.
'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead..
Now, what do you think about that?' asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple rounds into that beaver.'

 

[Trashy]

Hmmmmmmmmmm.......

 

[ccoleman77]

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

 

[ccoleman77]

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

 

[Trashy]

 

[ccoleman77]

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

 

[Trashy]

 

[ccoleman77]

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

 

[Trashy]

 

[Trashy]

 

[ccoleman77]

Do you remember when you were a kid playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

 

[ccoleman77]

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

 

[Trashy]

 

[ccoleman77]

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

 

[ccoleman77]

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

 

[Trashy]

 

[ccoleman77]

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

 

[Trashy]

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

Try drag racing....


Red light=BAAAAD!!!!!