Rebelling Teen

[skidoorulz]

My husband is addicted to this site and is constantly wanting me to "come over here and read this." I have never felt the inclination to reply before, but this situation hits too close to home to not at least share. These are my opinions only, and you know what they say about opinions; they are like_______(fill in the blank) & everybody has one. Please do not move in with this lady until you have a forever commitment. This situation is going to be tough and it will take everything you have to stick it out. Mom needs to take a long look at what is and is not OK with her, from a parenting point of view. If you are going to be living there you should do this together. Make a list, put it in writing. Include language, attitude and behavior absolutes. Make a time to sit down all together and have a family meeting. Tell this young women what you expect (you being Mom and you), what rewards she can earn and what the consequences of not following the rules will be. Then - stick to it. If this young women ever lays her hands or feet on anyone again in anger she needs to be turned in to the local police. In our state it is fourth degree assault/domestic violence. Tough love, you bet. Remember what we need to show our kids first and foremost is a loving commited adult relationship. That is how they learn what they look like. Do not ever discipline this young women physically. Infact, just don't be alone with her until this is under control. Ever been accused of child abuse by an out of control teen? I have, and it stays with you FOREVER. Good luck!

Here here!!!!! That makes you a PARENT!!!!! Well done, I applaud you. Also good point with the never touch or be alone with this female child. Happened with my dad and his stepdaughter. Took a year to clear up and thousands in attorney fees when the little bi+(h finally said she made it all up and was sorry.

 

[triple]

There is no discrete way to punt the boyfriend. WHatever you say to him will be twisted up and sent back to you through the daughter. 14 is really young to be making these adult decisions. How does the boyfriend treat her? Does he have anything resembling a home life? You're better off working with the young couple to make their relationship co-exist with yours and the daughter's mom. THis kid is resenting the fact that her mom disapproves of her choice for boyfriend. SHe likes it because he knows what to say to her to get what he wants. You're not going to change that. I'm not saying open up the house to him and let them do whatever they want. Make them part of the family where you can with limits and boundaries. She can't sit there sucking his face while visiting other family members, school has to remain the number 1 priority and when it's time for them to call it a night (at a decent hour) they call it a night without the grief to the mom. You also have to have a talk with this girl laying out where you are coming from and what you expect. You can never fault any person for not meeting your expectations if they don't know them. She's not going to want to hear you talk about your rules and regulations. She needs to see that you have to be there in her Mom's life, that your intentions are honorable and that she is also a huge part of this new relationship.

I know that it's easy to say that the agression and hitting started when the boy arrived but it's not going to stop if the boyfriend gets lost. She needs to know how she fits into the new arrangement.

I hope this all works for you. Finding Love in today's world is hard.

 

[Fosgate]

Thanks everyone! some really great ideas! The girls father lives in TN and really has nothing to do with them anymore and it's better off that way. The boyfriend we know has got to go, even though they've been supervised. He's a little know it all, even though he's got a good homelife as far as we can tell. A friend of mine is a Police Officer assigned in the schools. He's open to a visit. She has already been to counseling, and she is involved in Youth Group. We plan on putting her on the shot soon for a couple reasons. 1 so she doesn't try to get pregnant out of spite and 2. to help w hormones as an added benefit. I just hope not to screw up. I hope to be a parental figure she can trust and confide in and not a friend she can manupulate. I like the sit down discussion idea.

 

[Spur]

I've got a 14 year old daughter right now. I'll give you my advise in about 7 years.

 

[Spud]

i would be givin that girl a ride to Nebraska.

 

[kayceeWY]

I must be missin sumthin... if me my brother or any one of my three sisters would have ever laid a hand on my mom...my mom would have beat our AZZ, and in my neck of the woods, if she didnt any man that might have been standing around at the time would have, wouldn't of had to be my dad...just dont treat ur mother like that where im from, but i was pry raised a little old fashioned i guess lol.....

 

[buck50]

I must be missin sumthin... if me my brother or any one of my three sisters would have ever laid a hand on my mom...my mom would have beat our AZZ, and in my neck of the woods, if she didnt any man that might have been standing around at the time would have, wouldn't of had to be my dad...just dont treat ur mother like that where im from, but i was pry raised a little old fashioned i guess lol.....

i threatened my mom with the cops ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!! she told me to go ahead and call them, cause by the time they got there, i was gonna need them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[justadude]

Your comment doesn't make sense. I say get her on BC and you say this creates 14 old pregnencys??? Your a dude, not a chick. so you talk from dude perspective. Which really has very little bearing on these types of issues. MOM, Mothers are the daughter allie. All I know is I have many friends with teen daughters the ones who rule from dads chair have the most problems. No different than a guy not having dad around and being raised by a woman. You need both and both play a very different role!!

Get her on Birth control Now!!

Thiis is the attitude that creates PREGNANT 14 year old girls! Be a parent stop trying to be a childs best freind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!