A Bear walks into a bar

[beer gut]

No disrespect intended for my Native American brethren...



The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding around the Old West one scorching hot day when they came to a town with a nice looking little saloon; they decided to go in for a beer to cool down. They were just finishing up their beers when a cowboy walks in and says "Which one of y'all owns the white horse out front?" The Lone Ranger says "I reckon that's my horse Silver -- why?" The cowboy says "Well, it's pretty hot out there, and to tell you the truth, he ain't lookin' so good." The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and says "Tonto, you go outside. Run circles around Silver. Create breeze to cool off Silver." Tonto says "Yes, Kemosabe."

So the Lone Ranger finishes his beer and orders another. He's about halfway through when a cowboy comes in and says "Which one of y'all owns the white horse out front?" The Lone Ranger says "I reckon that's my horse Silver -- why?" The cowboy says...



















"You left your Injun runnin"

 

[spomey]

trolling

 

[Scott]

ha.

Not even a full "haha".
And in lower case too, eh?

 

[Boondockin800]

gotta love the groaners

 

[triple]

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender.

"Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.



A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.

The bartender speaks up and says "Hey what the hell are you doing?"

The blind man says, "Just taking a look around.."


A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."

 

[triple]

This duck walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are down..."

A short man walks in to the bar and begins to tell the bartender his story. Well, he theths, I wath driving down thith country road, when I thaw a thine that thaid "horth for thale". I jutht happened to be looking to buy a horth, tho I turned up the driveway to thee about it.

The farmer wath quite nithe about thowing me the horth, but I made it clear to him that it had to be a healthy horth, not jutth any old thag back.

The farmer tole me it wath a three year old mare. When we got to the horth, I athked the farmer to pick me up to thee the hortheth eyth, becauth I wath too thort. The farmer reluctantly picked me up to thee.

I checked the hortheth eyth, and they theemed great, and the farmer put me down. Nexthd, I athked the farmer to pick me up to thee the hortheth teeth. He wath even more reluctant thith time, but he did it.

I grabbed the hortheth lipth, lifted them, and tapped on the teeth to be thure they we tholid. They were, and the farmer put me down. We thtepped back thowards the hortheth hind quarter, looking towardth hith head, when I athked the farmer to thee the hortheth twat. The farmer grabbed me, picked me up, and thtuck me in the hortheth bum. Then he pulled me out and thtood me up, right at the back thide of the horth.

Well, I wath in thock. I wath covered in poo, and some got in my mouth.

As I thpit it out, I thaid to the farmer, " Let me rephrathe that. Can I thee her gallop thlowly?"

 

[Adrenaline Revolution]

Groan....But with a good grin!

 

[carman_65]

So a guy stumbles into a bar. He sits down and sees a big bowl full of $100 bills. He asked the bartender what all those 100's were for.

Bartender tells him that if he can complete the 3 tasks, he gets it all.

So the guy asked what the 3 tasks are.

And the bartender says, "Well, first ya gotta go knock out our bouncer over there at the door. After that, we have an old pit bull out back that's gotta bad tooth, and ya gotta pull that tooth out for him. If ya survive that, finally you have to go upstairs where there's a 70 year old hooker waitin for ya. And ya gotta hit her up twice. If you can do all that, you get the pot."

So the guy says, "Hell I can do that." And he throws a 100 down.

He takes a shot of whiskey, walks over to the door, finds the big ol bouncer and knocks him out cold.

Walks back up to the bar, takes another shot, and finds the back door where the dog's waitin for him. So he walks out there and closes the door behind him.

Once the door closes, the bartender listens to whats goin on, and first he hears a bunch of growlin and hollerin........ Then it all goes quiet.

After a few seconds, he starts hearin a bunch of yelpin from the dog again. Then it all goes quiet.


The guy walks back into the bar with his fly open and says, "Alright, where's that hooker with the bad tooth?!"

 

[AkHockey10]

hahaha

 

[Abominable]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

 

[mtnrider406]

haha

 

[143777]

Why does a chicken coupe have two doors?

If it had four it would be a chicken sedan.

 

[motojunkie101]

Whats a fish say when it runs into a cement wall?

Damn!

 

[01_MC500]

wow thats amazing.

 

[Scott]

LMFAO....I tried to read that one out loud....and couldn't do it without spitting on my screen. HAHAHA

A short man walks in to the bar and begins to tell the bartender his story. Well, he theths, I wath driving down thith country road, when I thaw a thine that thaid "horth for thale". I jutht happened to be looking to buy a horth, tho I turned up the driveway to thee about it.

The farmer wath quite nithe about thowing me the horth, but I made it clear to him that it had to be a healthy horth, not jutth any old thag back.

The farmer tole me it wath a three year old mare. When we got to the horth, I athked the farmer to pick me up to thee the hortheth eyth, becauth I wath too thort. The farmer reluctantly picked me up to thee.

I checked the hortheth eyth, and they theemed great, and the farmer put me down. Nexthd, I athked the farmer to pick me up to thee the hortheth teeth. He wath even more reluctant thith time, but he did it.

I grabbed the hortheth lipth, lifted them, and tapped on the teeth to be thure they we tholid. They were, and the farmer put me down. We thtepped back thowards the hortheth hind quarter, looking towardth hith head, when I athked the farmer to thee the hortheth twat. The farmer grabbed me, picked me up, and thtuck me in the hortheth bum. Then he pulled me out and thtood me up, right at the back thide of the horth.

Well, I wath in thock. I wath covered in poo, and some got in my mouth.

As I thpit it out, I thaid to the farmer, " Let me rephrathe that. Can I thee her gallop thlowly?"

 

[ruffryder]

Why does a chicken coupe have two doors?

If it had four it would be a chicken sedan.

ha ha... that is a good one!!

 

[Himark]

Guy walks into a bar and see's his best friend sitting there wearing a bra..puzzled he asked, "how long you been wearing a bra" guys answers,
"since my wife found it in the glove box"

 

[Weekday Warrior]

This one took a minute, but I ROFL'd

gooder haha

This duck walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are down..."

A short man walks in to the bar and begins to tell the bartender his story. Well, he theths, I wath driving down thith country road, when I thaw a thine that thaid "horth for thale". I jutht happened to be looking to buy a horth, tho I turned up the driveway to thee about it.

The farmer wath quite nithe about thowing me the horth, but I made it clear to him that it had to be a healthy horth, not jutth any old thag back.

The farmer tole me it wath a three year old mare. When we got to the horth, I athked the farmer to pick me up to thee the hortheth eyth, becauth I wath too thort. The farmer reluctantly picked me up to thee.

I checked the hortheth eyth, and they theemed great, and the farmer put me down. Nexthd, I athked the farmer to pick me up to thee the hortheth teeth. He wath even more reluctant thith time, but he did it.

I grabbed the hortheth lipth, lifted them, and tapped on the teeth to be thure they we tholid. They were, and the farmer put me down. We thtepped back thowards the hortheth hind quarter, looking towardth hith head, when I athked the farmer to thee the hortheth twat. The farmer grabbed me, picked me up, and thtuck me in the hortheth bum. Then he pulled me out and thtood me up, right at the back thide of the horth.

Well, I wath in thock. I wath covered in poo, and some got in my mouth.

As I thpit it out, I thaid to the farmer, " Let me rephrathe that. Can I thee her gallop thlowly?"