A Bear walks into a bar

[Snow Flake]

and says, "Bartender! Give me a .............................................................................
................................................................................
................................................................................
beer."

The bartender says, "Hey. What's with the big pause."

 

[mtn_extreme]

Chick joke for sure

 

[Abominable]

Chick joke for sure

A horse and Celine Dion walk into a bar together, bartender asks "why the long faces?"

 

[SAWYER]

ha.

 

[Adrenaline Revolution]

A horse and Celine Dion walk into a bar together, bartender asks "Hey lady, who's your hot looking friend?"

Fixed it !

 

[cubby]

Haha

 

[Fourwhlnutt]

A bear walked into a bar and sat down. He banged on the bar with his paw and demanded a beer.

The bartender approached and said, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana."

The bear, becoming angry, once again demanded a beer.

The bartender again told him, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana."

The bear, very angry now, said, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender once again said, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana."

The bear went to the end of the bar and, as he had promised, ate the woman. He came back to his seat, and again demanded a beer.

The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana, that are on drugs."

The bear said, " I'm not on drugs."

The bartender said, "Yes you are. That was a bar ***** you ate."

 

[triple]

A guy walks into a bar with a bear cub sitting on top of his head. The Bartender sez' "Why????"

The bear sub sez' "I don't know...it started as a wart on my a$$".

 

[triple]

A gay guy and a dog walk into a bar. The guy orders a fruity drink. THe bartender said we don't serve your kind here. The gay guy asked again for a fruit drink. The bartender said "We don't serve your kind here....GET OUT!!"

The gay guy tells the bartender to get him a drink this instant or he'll sick his dog on him. The bartender said "Go ahead".

From the front of the bar this huge hairy dog jumps over the bar, pins the bartender against the back wall and says

BOWZIE WOWZIE.

 

[triple]

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

 

[triple]

A man walked into a bar and sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!" Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt".
At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey...I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."
"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender.
"Say what?"
"You heard me," said the barkeep. "It's the peanuts ... they're complimentary."

 

[triple]

So, a snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the snake.
The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor."

 

[triple]

So this guy walks into a bar with his 10 foot tall giraffe. Despite the strange stares from the other bar occupants, they proceed to drink themselves silly.
After about a dozen drinks, the giraffe stands up and then keels over. At this his companion stands up as well, settles his bar bill and starts to walk out of the bar. The bartender shouts, "Hey idiot, you can't leave that lyin' here!"
But the man replies, "You're the idiot... that's a giraffe, not a lion!"

 

[triple]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop."

 

[Fourwhlnutt]

Classic's!! Thanks

 

[triple]

A guy walks into a bar
and the bartender says to the man, "hey man, you've got a steering wheel down your pants."
The guy replies "Yeah I know. it's driving me nuts!"

 

[Sidehiller]

GROAN! But I like 'em - keep them coming!

 

[Abominable]

A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks up and says "we dont serve ropes". The rope walks outside and unravels a little bit of one end and then loops that end over the other and walks back in and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and asks "are you a rope 'cause we dont serve ropes in here". The rope says "nope, I'm a frayed knot."

 

[Abominable]

Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducked under.

 

[01_MC500]

lol nice