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You asked for it! The f@rt thread from the old forum!

S

Snowizard

Free Member
Are farts funny? Apparently so.
Below is "Jeepers" classic story and others from the fart thread from 2002-'03 old SW 4M. Have a kleenex tissue handy. LOL.
WARNING: Do nor have a mouth full of soda or beer when reading this.

Last week, "xrated" brought up the f@rt subject, or let it out as it were, from this thread here: http://www.snowest.com/forum/showthread.php?t=94764

Beels posted this, quoting me last week:
"Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowizard
Uh oh, I see another fart thread in the making here. There was a hilarious thread several years ago on the old 4M. I printed it and saved it. "Jeeper" gets my vote for best description of emptying his co-workers out of the office.
Sorry, I digress..............

(Beels)That thread was a classic. The best part is, anyone that knows Jeeper, knows he is even better at telling a story in person, than online."

OK, now the Pie'ce-de-Re'sistance, and some other good-uns too!

(Side note. I scanned my fading printout, and uploaded to my new Photobucket page. New attempts for me, I hope it works. Read 'em and weep from laughing.)

Jeeper_resize.jpg
[/IMG]

"Jim" clears the forest of wild life.

Framus_resize.jpg
[/IMG]

"Gutpile" imitates a 'Pan Head' Harley-Davidson"

Gutpile_resize.jpg
[/IMG]

"Dan_B" clears out a Walmart aisle (two images.)
Dan_B_resize.jpg
[/IMG]
Dan_B_page2_resize.jpg
[/IMG]

"Rain Man" tells about his bro's wife being hit on by two rednecks. Bro drops a SBD and blames it on the two guys.They make a quick exit!
Pwdr580_Rainman_resize.jpg
[/IMG]

Here's some dandy audio clips guaranteed to clear out the cubicle next to you. Click on any of the titles in the grid.
http://www.fart-sounds.net/fart_sound_board.htm
Cheap thrills.:eek:

Hope this works. If you can't read the posts by adjusting your photo zoom control thingie, let me know, and I'll try again.
 
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Good gravy that is funny............

I remember that thread well, and I am laughing out loud as I write this........

Jeepers account, had me laughing then, and when I just re-read it again, has me laughing even harder this time........


Good stuff right there.........:D:D
 
thanks for that wiz

I'm gonna have to sit down and document some of my prouder moments.
 
holy buckets!

a blast from the past!... the good ole days :)


here is a copy and paste of the "don't shave your azsz"




Don't shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ***-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my *** of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My *** was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic ****- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my *** off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my *** cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my *** at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ***-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your *** having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ***-HAIR!
 
HOLY CR@P!!!


I'M ROLLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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That's the funniest thing I've read all summer! I actually cried I was laughing so hard:eek::D

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pigcry.gif
 
Ever have one of those days when you really have bad gas.
I'm not talking the "poof", blame it on the dog kind of gas, I'm talking the "let er rip", paint peeling, tile curling, birds falling from the sky" kind of gas.
Well that's me today. Don't know what I ate, but WOW.

Well, there is this guy at work. We REALLY don't like each other and we take every opportunety to mess with each other.

Today I had to install a security system on a power distrobution room that he was installing a new power panel in.
IT's a little room, about 6' x 8'.
I tell him I have to step outside the room and latch the door so I can finish wiring the system.
He says, sure whatever.

Well.............. I bend over to pick up my tools and let out one of those LONG but silent ones and quickly leave the room and close the door.
About 15 seconds later I hear.
OMFG!
And someone starts beating on the door and screaming open the @#$% door.
Gee, who could that be I wonder.
I wait about 15 seconds more to open the door.
Here stands this slightly green, looks like he is about to hurl, eyes watering like crazy, HIGHLY pizzed off dude standing there looking at me.

He screams that he is going to get his supervisor and get me fired.
Well, he can't use his radio in this area (its a radio wave free area), so off he goes down the hallway.
I run down to the janitors closet and get the air sanitizer and spray the heck out of the room. The stuff smells sort of like hot insulation, but it is WAY better than what it did smell like in there.
I quickly hide the sanitizer in the office across the hall.
About a minute later here he comes with supervisor in tow.
Supervisor asks me what is going on.
I give him my best, gee I am so innocent and have no clue what you are talking about shrug.
he goes into the room and walks back out.
Looks at the two of us and simply says "go back to work and play nice".

Well about 15 minutes later I am done and cleaning up the mess when Mr. personallity comes out and says he needs wire nuts and away he goes.
I jump back in the room, let out a nice LONG nasty one and slam the door.
Grabbed all my stuff and the air sanitizer and ran for it.

I am so going to H ell.
 
Thats a classic Ollie, worthy of the "official" archives if intestinal gas.

Moved my latest over here too.

I'll add another one of my own. This was quite a few years ago, while I was teaching electronics technology in a community college.

It was my 1:00pm 2-hour electronics laboratory class with 2nd year students. Guys age 19-21.
The benches in the lab were 6ft long, with a "riser shelf" about 16 inches above the bench top.

There were 5 clusters consisting of two benches back-to-back, and of course electronic test equipment piled high on the riser shelf and bench top.

Well 1:00pm was right after I ate lunch in the college cafeteria. I don't rm'br what iI ate, but it was generating enough gas to power the city for about a week. LOL.

One of the benche sides was unoccupied, and there were two students working on the other side.
I was leaning with my back-side against the empty bench.

( don't get ahead of me here.! :D )

Trying to hold it in, but out came this lengthy S.B.D. (Silent but deadly)
that wafted beneath both bench tops.
One of the students hollers "OMG! You rotten SOB!" and starts slugging his bench partner in the shoulder.

The other kid looks shocked and says, "What'd I do, what'd I do? What the He!! are you doing?" First kid says "You know what you did" , 2nd kid still completely confused why his lab partner went off on him gets a whiff of my classic SBD , and hollers "OMG!."

The both of them are looking around the room to find the culprit but about the time the kid #2 was getting slugged I had slunk away by then, and I don't think they ever knew it was me. :D
Cheap fun!
 
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OMG Jeeper!! That is a classic! I remember when you posted that several years ago. I think I ruined my keyboard and monitor that day.

Thanks for sharing! I have not laughed that hard in a while!!!
 
i just peed lol.........

ok i got a few gooders

when my mom was little, her brothers would always catch her and my aunt playin with their stuff in their room. one day they were fed up with them so they shut the door and and asked them if they wanted to play _____. being the nice little sisters they were they said sure and stayed. as soon as they said yes they pounced and busted out the yatzee cup. as you probably guessed they farted in it and placed it over their nose and mouth and repeated this until they were both in tears lol. they never went into their room ever again.

A couple weeks ago i ate at pizza hut with some buddies. anytime i eat any dairy products i get the ****z and the most disgusting farts you could ever imagine, like the ones that burn your a$$ hairs off upon exiting. as you probably guessed i am lactose-intolerant so there is the casue of the problem. anyways i am taking heavy equipment operating and our teacher has an old bronco the he drives out in the pit and runs around in. well there was 5 of us packed into it and our teacher had to run back to his office to get some papers. i had forgotten i had eaten pizza the night before and i decided to let out a silent one...as soon as i cought a wif i knew the outcome was not going to be purdy! the whole vehicle cleared within .0025 seconds and as soon as we all got out...here comes the teacher.....he fliped sheit on us and was screaming "WHO WAS THAT!". i was pointing fingers every direction but everyone else was pointing back at me so i was busted. i got in more trouble for ripin a$$ next to a lady than i did for the stank. lol i am purdy sure there is a hole in the seat where i let that nuclear strength fart out.


you know how every class has a nasty fat kid? well my mom is an aid for a girl with downs who is in Jr. high and every day in their science class the class nasty fat kid rips a$$ (like gag a magot stank). my mom said it was like clock work, he never missed a day...EVER! his *** was so foul the teacher turns on the emergency exhaust fan every time he lets em' rip lol.
 
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