no joke! obama lovers

[woodpecker]

this is really the last one

Hillbilly Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a North Georgia Mountain couple decided 11 was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in the North Georgia Mountains), light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me, " said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" ....... At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Kentucky, Mississippi, West Virginia, Arkansas, Missouri and parts of Tenn.

 

[bonebreaker zack]

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know sh!t?”

 

[bonebreaker zack]

John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”

McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”

 

[bonebreaker zack]

President Obama had two contractors come to the White House to give him bids on painting the Oval Office. The Republican painter offered to do the job 700 dollars. Obama then asked the Democrat if he could do better. The second painter answered, "Sure. I'll paint the Oval Office for 250,700 dollars." Obama was surprised at the figure and asked for an explanation so the painter replied, "That will be a 125,000 dollars in kickbacks for you, a 125,000 dollars in profits for me and then 700 dollars to subcontract the actual work to the Republican." Guess which contractor got the job?

 

[bonebreaker zack]

Thanks to Barack Obama's "recovery" plan, Americans workers have been sleeping like babies. They wake up every couple of hours and cry.

 

[bonebreaker zack]

Barrack Obama gets away to Hawaii for a weekend of walking on water. The moment his copter touches down on the beach, he throws off his jacket, tie, shirt, and shoes; rolls up his pant legs, and runs into the surf.

Just then an aide runs up: "Mr. President! There's a delegation from Saudi Arabia here to see you! They want to know when you're gonna pay back the money they lent for The Bailout!"

"Can't you tell them something, to get rid of them?"

"I tried, Sir, but they insist on seeing you personally."

Barrack H The One mutters a word you won't find in the Bible, puts on his shirt, tie, jacket, and starts off down the beach with his pant legs still rolled up.

The aide struggles to catch up with Him: "Uh, Mistah President, You oughtta... umm... lower your pants..."

Obama stops in his tracks. "Just how much do we owe them?!"

 

[bonebreaker zack]

New Ice Cream

Ben and Jerry's is coming out with an unbelievable new ice cream in honor of the messiah who was just sworn in as our 44th President..

It is being churned in Washington DC and is appropriately being called Baracky Road.

It's half Chocolate and half Vanilla surrounded by fruits and nuts.

 

[bonebreaker zack]

From the I.R.S To:All male tax payers Notice of increased tax payment Effective Oct, 1 2009 Gentelman the only thing the I.R.S has not taxed is your peter. Mostly because 98% of the time it is unemployed, and 2% of time it is in the hole, and its two dependents are nuts. However effective Oct,1 2009 Your peter will be taxed according to its size. PLease check personal size using the chart below to determine your catagory. Please record this information on page (2)two sec. f. line 'C" on your federal income tax form. 10-12 inches luxury tax $400.00 .......08-10 inches pole tax $300.00...... 06-08 inches privilege tax $200.00 .........04-06 inches niusance tax $100.00 Anyone under four(4) inches is eligible for a refund, Please do not request an extension. sincerely yours, Barack H. Obama -President-
p.s anyone exceeding 12" please contact The director of penis envy , your stimulis package awaits you.

 

[bonebreaker zack]

A woman applying for a job at a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" She replied: "I've been divorced three times and I voted for Obama."

 

[bonebreaker zack]

The best joke i've ever heard:
One day Obama made a promise...