Columbia Falls, Montana
My little brother died yesterday
- Thread starter christopher
- Start date
Thursday morning, July 8th, my little brother (40 years old) was found dead in him bedroom by my father, who found him kneeling down at the side of his bed with his head on the floor and his hands on his head with a look of intense pain on his face as though this head was going to explode. The coroner said the death was consistent with a cerebral hemorrhage. It was quite literally a killer headache.
At 47 I have never lost anyone in my immediate family under the age of 85, so the only members of my family that have passed on, had lived to a ripe old age and passed on from natural causes brought on by age.
I met both my father and brother the same day some 20 years ago when I was in the Army. Since then we only crossed paths once in a while when I went to visit my dad in Montana. On those few occasions we had a generally good time together, but they were always brief and passing encounters. He got married shortly after we met and was busy raising his family, much the same as I was. While I made a real concerted effort to get to know my dad, I failed to put forth the same time and energy in getting to know my brother. And I now find myself deeply regretting that!
Friday morning we loaded up the family and made the trek up to Montana to join the family for the funeral services. It was the first time I had ever been to an open casket funeral, let alone one for someone in my immediate family. It was the strangest thing. There were two separate viewings, one at the funeral home and the other at the church just before the funeral service. No words were spoken at the funeral home, and it was just close family there. While other members of my family that had grown up with David were in tears, I sat there more or less detached from the whole thing. I felt bad for my Dad and his wife, and her children, but I didn't feel any real sense of loss or grieving. Just sat there stoically for the most part.
The next day they moved the casket into the church for a 2nd viewing just before the actual funner service where around 200 people attended. At the end of the viewing they closed the casket before wheeling it into the main chapel room. But as the funeral director closed the casket he walked around to the end and inserted a key that activated a locking mechanism that sealed the lid from ever being opened again. As he ratcheted that key and the lid clamped down tightly something changed for me. Suddenly I began to feel the finality of the loss for the very first time. The sound of that lock was my emotional undoing.
In the chapel I gave the opening prayer for my brother before the service began, and really felt the weight of the whole matter begin to appear. His wife and children had not participated in the previous day's viewing, and now were in the front row and visibly grief stricken. David had 2 teen age daughters, and 2 younger boys. And this was hard on them, much harder than I had appreciated thus far.
My four children and several of the other cousins all went up and sang "I am a child of God", during which David's older son walked up to join them in singing to his father, and then the tears began to flow. My children cried, his children cried, and so did I. Suddenly I began to feel the real loss that had taken place.
My stepsister gave the eulogy as they had grown up together and still only lived a couple blocks apart. It was a loving tribute to a man who I had failed to get to know.
What is it that we regret most in life?
The things we did, that we wished we hadn't, or The things we didn't, that we wished we had?.
For the most part, I am a very happy person who is content with his life. I have very few regrets when I look back on my 47 years. I have been married for 20 years, have a great wife that I adore, 4 wonderful kids that I love dearly, and I am blessed to be allowed to do what I love for work.
But I felt the sting of opportunity lost as I learned more and more about the brother I hardly knew. I was the only child of a single parent growing up. There were no brothers or sisters in my life, only David in my later adult years, and I really had not made the effort to get to know him, or his children very well. Worst of all for me, we had planned on spending a week with my dad at the end of this month, when I would have had plenty of time to hang out with him and finally get to just sit and talk and enjoy his company.
I wonder why it is that we always think we have more time? Perhaps that is the only way to get through life, thinking that there IS more time, that we have tomorrow waiting for us, that there will always be another opportunity to set things right.
When my sister finished his eulogy my oldest daughter and David's oldest nieces all got up to sing "God Be With You Till we Meet Again". And as they sang this lovely song, the pain and heartache of loosing my brother finally came home to me. I cried like I had never cried before.
I cried for the loss of my brother as though he had been a part of my whole life. I cried from the pain and the hurt of having not done all I could have done to get to know him and make him a part of my life.
I wept tears for my father having lost his son, for my sister having lost her brother, and for my nieces and nephews for having lost their dad. I don't think my wife or children had ever seen me cry before.
When the song was over I dried the tears from my eyes and regained my composure for the rest of the day. But for those brief few moments I felt the love for a brother that I had not grown up with, a bond that is deeper than I first understood.
Next year I will set aside January 27th to go on a special ride, and I will remember back on that wonderful day with my brother in Island Park, when I discovered we had something special in common. A love for Snowmobiling. And I will ride that day in remembrance of him, and do my best to take his 4 children with me, that they too might remember a day when their dad was happy and filled with joy doing something he loved in spite of the pain and suffering he had to endure to do it.
At 47 I have never lost anyone in my immediate family under the age of 85, so the only members of my family that have passed on, had lived to a ripe old age and passed on from natural causes brought on by age.
I met both my father and brother the same day some 20 years ago when I was in the Army. Since then we only crossed paths once in a while when I went to visit my dad in Montana. On those few occasions we had a generally good time together, but they were always brief and passing encounters. He got married shortly after we met and was busy raising his family, much the same as I was. While I made a real concerted effort to get to know my dad, I failed to put forth the same time and energy in getting to know my brother. And I now find myself deeply regretting that!
Friday morning we loaded up the family and made the trek up to Montana to join the family for the funeral services. It was the first time I had ever been to an open casket funeral, let alone one for someone in my immediate family. It was the strangest thing. There were two separate viewings, one at the funeral home and the other at the church just before the funeral service. No words were spoken at the funeral home, and it was just close family there. While other members of my family that had grown up with David were in tears, I sat there more or less detached from the whole thing. I felt bad for my Dad and his wife, and her children, but I didn't feel any real sense of loss or grieving. Just sat there stoically for the most part.
The next day they moved the casket into the church for a 2nd viewing just before the actual funner service where around 200 people attended. At the end of the viewing they closed the casket before wheeling it into the main chapel room. But as the funeral director closed the casket he walked around to the end and inserted a key that activated a locking mechanism that sealed the lid from ever being opened again. As he ratcheted that key and the lid clamped down tightly something changed for me. Suddenly I began to feel the finality of the loss for the very first time. The sound of that lock was my emotional undoing.
In the chapel I gave the opening prayer for my brother before the service began, and really felt the weight of the whole matter begin to appear. His wife and children had not participated in the previous day's viewing, and now were in the front row and visibly grief stricken. David had 2 teen age daughters, and 2 younger boys. And this was hard on them, much harder than I had appreciated thus far.
My four children and several of the other cousins all went up and sang "I am a child of God", during which David's older son walked up to join them in singing to his father, and then the tears began to flow. My children cried, his children cried, and so did I. Suddenly I began to feel the real loss that had taken place.
My stepsister gave the eulogy as they had grown up together and still only lived a couple blocks apart. It was a loving tribute to a man who I had failed to get to know.
What is it that we regret most in life?
The things we did, that we wished we hadn't, or The things we didn't, that we wished we had?.
For the most part, I am a very happy person who is content with his life. I have very few regrets when I look back on my 47 years. I have been married for 20 years, have a great wife that I adore, 4 wonderful kids that I love dearly, and I am blessed to be allowed to do what I love for work.
But I felt the sting of opportunity lost as I learned more and more about the brother I hardly knew. I was the only child of a single parent growing up. There were no brothers or sisters in my life, only David in my later adult years, and I really had not made the effort to get to know him, or his children very well. Worst of all for me, we had planned on spending a week with my dad at the end of this month, when I would have had plenty of time to hang out with him and finally get to just sit and talk and enjoy his company.
I wonder why it is that we always think we have more time? Perhaps that is the only way to get through life, thinking that there IS more time, that we have tomorrow waiting for us, that there will always be another opportunity to set things right.
When my sister finished his eulogy my oldest daughter and David's oldest nieces all got up to sing "God Be With You Till we Meet Again". And as they sang this lovely song, the pain and heartache of loosing my brother finally came home to me. I cried like I had never cried before.
I cried for the loss of my brother as though he had been a part of my whole life. I cried from the pain and the hurt of having not done all I could have done to get to know him and make him a part of my life.
I wept tears for my father having lost his son, for my sister having lost her brother, and for my nieces and nephews for having lost their dad. I don't think my wife or children had ever seen me cry before.
When the song was over I dried the tears from my eyes and regained my composure for the rest of the day. But for those brief few moments I felt the love for a brother that I had not grown up with, a bond that is deeper than I first understood.
Next year I will set aside January 27th to go on a special ride, and I will remember back on that wonderful day with my brother in Island Park, when I discovered we had something special in common. A love for Snowmobiling. And I will ride that day in remembrance of him, and do my best to take his 4 children with me, that they too might remember a day when their dad was happy and filled with joy doing something he loved in spite of the pain and suffering he had to endure to do it.
Sorry to hear. My brother died August 27, 1999. Seems like yesterday.
11 years ago and it seems like yesterday.
Time is a strange thing.
Sometimes it goes by soooo fast, and yet, it seems soo slow.
Time is a strange thing.
Sometimes it goes by soooo fast, and yet, it seems soo slow.
Christopher....I'm at a loss for words, that's just horrible.
We will keep you and your family in our prayers and me he rest in peace.
We will keep you and your family in our prayers and me he rest in peace.
Thank you Paul.
For now, its his kids that I am most worried about.
For now, its his kids that I am most worried about.
I'am very sorry. our prayers are with you.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
Ya, I wasn't very happy to hear about it myself either.
Its a dangerous thing when you answer the phone sometimes...
But seriously, Thank you for your thoughts, I do appreciate them.
Its a dangerous thing when you answer the phone sometimes...
But seriously, Thank you for your thoughts, I do appreciate them.
I am the youngest of 3 and have 2 older brothers, the oldest is my best friend. We talk for hours everyday about looking for big mule deer bucks and the archery season. He doesnt ride sleds and has only gone on a few rides with me and my friends and I wish he did more. He shoots his bow 365 days a year and I could not imagine loosing either of my brothers. The thought of either of them passing away almost brings me to tears right now.
growing up we lived in a 2 bedroom home and us 3 boys shared a room until my parents moved up to Franklin ID when I was 21!! We would talk to each other in our sleep growing up. There were times I would wake up from talking in my sleep and sure enough the other 2 brothers would be talking to.
I can understand with what your going through Christopher without ever having to go through it, the bond me and my two brothers have is one of the best things I have outside of my wife and new baby boy.
Here is a pic of me and my brothers, dad and grandpa. I'm in the orange hawaian shirt and that's my oldest brother next to me. The other brother lives in SLC and I just don't have as much contact with him as I should. Good reminder here for me to get in touch with the middle bro a little more!! I wish you and your family luck on getting through the loss of a brother Christopher!!
growing up we lived in a 2 bedroom home and us 3 boys shared a room until my parents moved up to Franklin ID when I was 21!! We would talk to each other in our sleep growing up. There were times I would wake up from talking in my sleep and sure enough the other 2 brothers would be talking to.
I can understand with what your going through Christopher without ever having to go through it, the bond me and my two brothers have is one of the best things I have outside of my wife and new baby boy.
Here is a pic of me and my brothers, dad and grandpa. I'm in the orange hawaian shirt and that's my oldest brother next to me. The other brother lives in SLC and I just don't have as much contact with him as I should. Good reminder here for me to get in touch with the middle bro a little more!! I wish you and your family luck on getting through the loss of a brother Christopher!!
Thank You very much.
Perhaps my loss will serve to help others spend more time together.
Lord knows, looking back now I SURE wish I had!
Perhaps my loss will serve to help others spend more time together.
Lord knows, looking back now I SURE wish I had!
The other brother lives in SLC and I just don't have as much contact with him as I should. Good reminder here for me to get in touch with the middle bro a little more!!
dang tootin you should...the middle child has inheirant problems just being the middle child...its not just urban legend...close the gap with him cause i bet he feels left way behind..
Climbr:
Is it too much to presume that your Dad has canoed the Amazon?
Chris:
I have followed this since start.
The most sorrow that I have over this is the apparent Hell that your brother went through while here.
I would not have wanted him to hafta endure that any longer. I hope that he was a man of faith as well.
If so - you can have some time to bind later. I believe the best snow is on the other side of that river.
(Just make sure you can waterskip!
)
.
Is it too much to presume that your Dad has canoed the Amazon?
Chris:
I have followed this since start.
The most sorrow that I have over this is the apparent Hell that your brother went through while here.
I would not have wanted him to hafta endure that any longer. I hope that he was a man of faith as well.
If so - you can have some time to bind later. I believe the best snow is on the other side of that river.
(Just make sure you can waterskip!
).
RIGHT YOU ARE OX.
Hard to imagine what "Celestial" powder must be like.
David and I have all of eternity to get to know one another.
but I still regret my foolishness and missing out on opportunities to get to know him better in this life.
Right now I am working on establishing relationships with his kids.
Hard to imagine what "Celestial" powder must be like.
David and I have all of eternity to get to know one another.
but I still regret my foolishness and missing out on opportunities to get to know him better in this life.
Right now I am working on establishing relationships with his kids.
RIGHT YOU ARE OX.
Hard to imagine what "Celestial" powder must be like.
You can PM me and the rest of my riding buddies when you find out, we will be kicking some serious arse in the bowls of the"Terrestrial Kingdom".
my condolensces for your loss.
God Willing, I will be right there with ya for the rest of this mortal life brother!!RIGHT YOU ARE OX.
Hard to imagine what "Celestial" powder must be like.
You can PM me and the rest of my riding buddies when you find out, we will be kicking some serious arse in the bowls of the"Terrestrial Kingdom".
Heaven knows, there IS some HEAVENLY POWDER out there!!!
(and as for me, David will be right there with me in spirit if not in body)
May your brother RIP.
Thoughts & prayers to you & the family he left behind.
Thoughts & prayers to you & the family he left behind.
Thank You.
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