It would be great to find some of the early posts. . .me writing to the Polaris CEO "Stue P Dass". . .
Dear Polaris Boneheads,
I am writing you as a concerned and severly addicted sledhead. I am very concerned about your attempt of
manufacturing a mountain sled that will complete with the competion. I know that you spent $33,000,000 on
designing the 900 RMK. Judging from the product, you might consider investigating whether the $32,999,800 of
the $33M was spent by the top exec's on expensive liquid refreshments and cheap women. I would like to offer
you a proposal. You pay me a small fee of $15,000,000 and I will produce a mountain sled that would take the
competion a decade to catch up with. This offer will be good for 30 days. Call my secretary, Ineeda Enema at
1-800-RMK-JUNK.
Sincerely,
383
The Polaris Poem
By 383
Oh how great the anticipation, yes. . .the talk of the day,
The much awaited arrival of the Polaris 900. . .RMK,
The hype was plenty, oh yes stacked deep,
I had to wear waders to walk through the heep,
With visions of highmarking dancing in their heads,
Sheep herds of riders lay'd down 10 grand for these sleds,
Oh yes, look out the King Kat and the Doo,
The RMK will spank you silly and will look good to,
The day finally came when their was some snow,
Everybody loaded up and was on the go,
To move it around on the trailer, I gave it a yank,
Wholly butt pucker, this thing is a tank,
If you get this thing stuck, you'll have to be stout,
You'll need Hose A and Hose B to help get it out,
Then I noticed the sticker that caused my spirits to dive,
This sled will self distruct if run over 45,
I squoze the throttle with much anticipation,
It felt like I was on a train just leaving the station,
I waited this long to enjoy much riding splender,
But it rides like a mule and sounds like a blender,
All summer I've been pump'in weights to be a big enough man,
To only find out it runs like a 340 fan,
So slow was the ride, next time I have a hunch,
To get to the mountian, I'll have to bring a lunch,
Now off to the mod shop we haul the heep,
Please sir, bolt on anything that will make it run in the deep,
The news comes back that there is just no hope,
To enjoy this ride. . .simply smoke some dope,
The trees will look smaller and the hill will look steeper,
It will be easier than mods and a whole lot cheaper,
Now its the little sled that couldn't. . . yes, the talk of the day,
The famous Polaris 900. . .RMK!
If you would like copies of this poem for your personal use. . .please contact my agent Phil Mieshorts at
1-800-383-RULES.