A few more jokes

[Mjunkie]

A man walking accross the beach sees a bottle half burried in the sand. Excited he runs up to it and pulls it out and immediately starts rubbing it. Just as he expected and hoped, out pops a genie. The man, hardly able to talk because he's so excited says, "Awesome!! This is my lucky day!! You've got to grant me 3 wishes!!". The genie, holding both his hands up defensively says, "Hold on there, you cant really expect me to grant you 3 full wishes with todays economy, can you?" A little upset, the man says, "well what can you do for me?" The genie says, "I can grant you 1 wish, so think hard about what you most want before you ask it." The man sits down in the sand and begins to ponder about what he wants. After a time, he says, "I've got it. I love Hawaii, it's got to be the greatest place in the entire world, I love to visit there, but I'm scared to death of flying, and I get sea sick so easy that taking a ship is horrible, so what I want you to do is to build a highway from the coast of california all the way to Hawaii so I can drive there." The genie, laughing, says, "That's impossible, there's no way a highway could be built that could withstand all the waves and the storms. You'll have to ask for something else." A little upset, the man thinks for a moment later and replies, "O.k., I want to be able to understand women, I want to know why they do the things they do, understand their thought process, you know?" Immediately the genie gets the deer in the headlights face as he stares at the man with a completely blank face. After a minute the genie says in a defeated monotone voice, "Will 2 lanes be enough or does your highway need to have 3?"

A comparison-
True friends are like butt cheeks... From time to time crap may pass between them, pushing them apart, but they always come back together.


John walks up to Bob, puts his arm around him, being friendly, and says, "Bob, Do you know what the difference between an a$$hole and a rectum is?" Bob gives a not knowing look, and John says, "You can't put your arm around a rectum."

 

[yardsale_oem]

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!!!!!!!

 

[SAWYER]

hahahaha, i really like the comparison

 

[Mjunkie]

one more joke

Steve walks up to Larry and says, "Hey Larry, can I talk to you a minute?". Larry shrugs and says, "sure, what's up?". They walk a little way away from everyone and Steve says, looking a little nervous, "Larry, we've worked together for a lot of years now and I know that in those years I haven't always been, shall we say..., very nice to you. I've started some bad rumors about you, and I've called you some names that weren't very appropriate. I know that in many cases, I've made you feel uncomfortable, and I've humiliated you in front of other people and I just want to tell you that I'm sorry." Astonished, Larry says, "Yeah, you've been pretty mean to me over the years, I've often wondered what it is I've done to you to treat me this way." Steve says, "I know, I'm sorry, you haven't ever done anything bad to me, I have done it for no real good reason. I've been doing some serious soul searching lately and I've realized that I need to make some changes in my life, so I've enrolled in a new program designed to help people like me change some things, and to be a better person." Larry smiles and says, "Steve, I think that's great! I'm happy to hear that! So is one of your steps to recovery going around and telling the people you've wronged that you're sorry?" Steve, sheepishly smiles, and replies, "Yeah, and it feels good to do it. After talking to you I'm almost done with this step, I've just got a couple more people to talk to and then I go on to the next step." Larry's smile gets even bigger and says, "That's great Steve!" Then out of curiosity he asks, "So after apologizing to everyone, then what does this program tell you to do?" Steve shakes his head and says, "This next step is going to be the hardest of all, I have to be sincere in the things I say."

 

[CDA_RMK]

A man walking accross the beach sees a bottle half burried in the sand. Excited he runs up to it and pulls it out and immediately starts rubbing it. Just as he expected and hoped, out pops a genie. The man, hardly able to talk because he's so excited says, "Awesome!! This is my lucky day!! You've got to grant me 3 wishes!!". The genie, holding both his hands up defensively says, "Hold on there, you cant really expect me to grant you 3 full wishes with todays economy, can you?" A little upset, the man says, "well what can you do for me?" The genie says, "I can grant you 1 wish, so think hard about what you most want before you ask it." The man sits down in the sand and begins to ponder about what he wants. After a time, he says, "I've got it. I love Hawaii, it's got to be the greatest place in the entire world, I love to visit there, but I'm scared to death of flying, and I get sea sick so easy that taking a ship is horrible, so what I want you to do is to build a highway from the coast of california all the way to Hawaii so I can drive there." The genie, laughing, says, "That's impossible, there's no way a highway could be built that could withstand all the waves and the storms. You'll have to ask for something else." A little upset, the man thinks for a moment later and replies, "O.k., I want to be able to understand women, I want to know why they do the things they do, understand their thought process, you know?" Immediately the genie gets the deer in the headlights face as he stares at the man with a completely blank face. After a minute the genie says in a defeated monotone voice, "Will 2 lanes be enough or does your highway need to have 3?"

A comparison-
True friends are like butt cheeks... From time to time crap may pass between them, pushing them apart, but they always come back together.


John walks up to Bob, puts his arm around him, being friendly, and says, "Bob, Do you know what the difference between an a$$hole and a rectum is?" Bob gives a not knowing look, and John says, "You can't put your arm around a rectum."

hahaha thats very funny