M
MPS
Well-known member
Subject: Excellent Posting on Craigslist!
>
> To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )
>
> I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you
> demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and
> my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
> earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to
> apologize.
>
> I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after
> you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a
> reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my
> girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
> Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
> that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
> weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
>
> I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
> wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in
> your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
> leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have
> you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us
> again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as
> you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
> situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your
> shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's,
> along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
> itself in a dumpster.
>
> I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be
> on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel
> recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a
> little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that.
> I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about
> to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
> Oh well.
>
> So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when
> you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it
> up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like
> to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you
> used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or
> powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead
> making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
> reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be
> so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch
> and laundry. Peace! - Alex
>
> To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )
>
> I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you
> demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and
> my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
> earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to
> apologize.
>
> I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after
> you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a
> reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my
> girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
> Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
> that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
> weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
>
> I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
> wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in
> your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
> leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have
> you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us
> again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as
> you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
> situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your
> shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's,
> along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
> itself in a dumpster.
>
> I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be
> on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel
> recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a
> little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that.
> I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about
> to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
> Oh well.
>
> So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when
> you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it
> up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like
> to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you
> used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or
> powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead
> making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
> reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be
> so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch
> and laundry. Peace! - Alex
