Divorce advice

[Oregongirl]

Read! There are lots of great books about being a single parent (dad).

The kids are smarter than most parents give them credit for.

Don't lie to them.

Don't make promises you can't keep.

Use age appropriate words to explain things to them.

NEVER bad mouth the other parent. They will figure it out for themselves.

Don't force the parenting situation with the other parent...meaning, if you have the kids and mom is suppose to call, don't call her if she doesn't call them. The relationship is her's to manage/maintain. This is the hard part...the disappoint you might see your children endure. But, just be there for them!! Tell them you understand they are sad or hurting or whatever...but DON'T bad mouth mom. They need to learn what to expect (or not expect) from both parents. They can't do that if one parent is always bad-mouthing or covering for the behavior of the other one.

Remind them often about how proud you are to be their daddy, to have them in your life, and how much you love them. Never let them forget it.

...and finally....actions speak louder than words (especially for children).

I'm so sorry about your situation!

 

[isell]

Divorce is a tough one, and hits very close to me. You have been give some excellent advice about retaining legal counsel, use it!

The one thing that I would tell you is this, save some money right now. Get as much cash as you can and stash it away. I had just short of 8 grand when I left, and used every penny of it very quickly. I didn't end up with the house, and didn't take anything with me. I needed to start over from ground zero. It is expensive to get a home up and running again, and if you end up moving, you want your place to be stable for the kids sake. Have something for them to do when they are visiting you, or living with you. It is important to disrupt their lives as little as possible right now, so, have a decent place for them to come to. Trust me, it will be worth it in the end.

Three years later I have my fourteen year old daughter living with me and it is is the best thing in the world that could have happened to either one of us. We are happy together, and doing well. It is challenging at times to have her with me, but, it also more rewarding than words can describe. I know all of her friends, both guys and gals. I know what is going on in her life all the time because she tells me. We get in about 700 miles a year in the winter and about 1000 miles in the summer on bikes.

There is light at the end of the tunnel on this one, it just takes time and effort to get there. Keep your head up and keep moving, its aboiut the kids now. Make your time and efforts count!

 

[mrh]

I also was able to get custody of my son, and keep most of the things that were important to me.

One of the best things my son said to me after he got used to the fact the we were no longer together is " divorce isn't that bad, my mom and dad don't yell anymore!"

Another thing that is important when trying to get custody is to only focus on the kids and ingnore talking about money. It is hard to not let those issues inter in, but make sure the court knows that your only focus in about your kids and don't let the other arguing sidetrack you.

The courts see this stuff every day, they already know that money is an issue. They want to see who would do anything for their kids.

 

[niner49]

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit, Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her they were selling house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home,.................including the curtain rods.

A HAPPY ENDING? DON'T KNOW?

 

[mulestar]

My name is Matt Foley, I am divorced, and I live in a van down by the river!

Had to throw a joke in there, sorry, you will laugh at some point even though now may not feel like it now.

A lot of great advice on here, sure stirred some memories, I have "been there done that". Just wanted to tell you a little about my divorce. It was absolutely worth it, everything I lost, does not even compare to what I gained. I am not talking money, vehicles, snowmobiles etc. I am talking about your life, I lost 4 years of mine, being someone else, losing friends, and family, and being what my x wanted me to be. Finally I couldn't stand who I was anymore, I gave up, did the divorce thing, and walked away from it.

It's not fun, you can easily get depressed, steer clear of booze, it will consume you. Call your old friends, be with your family, do what you do to make yourself happy. For me it was all of a sudden that it dawned on me, everything's going to be ok, and LIFE IS GOOD! I was bowhunting on the Missouri breaks for elk, got up early and beat the daylight to get up above to glass for elk. Watched the sun come up, watched it light the whole valley below me, and around me, listened to the elk bugle, beautiful. It was at that moment in my life, I realized, at least to me, that this is what it's all about. My life was back, I was me, and I was free. The couches, loveseat, cars, house, didnt matter, she can take it all, but I got ME back. That is all I wanted anyway, and it's worth any price to get it.

Since then I got a new job, bought a home, and met an amazing person, been together two years, and I have never been happier. It is worth it, every penny. I didnt have any children, but I would be willing to bet, that if I did, they would like this divorced dad way more than they would that married one.

I know the cheese factor is way up on this one, but it's from the heart...

 

[rmkclimber]

Gota say, impressed with all the good advice. I've been seperated from my wife and have been saving money, riding when ever I want, living the single guy life. we have a 5 yr old and a 15 yR old, both boys. Don't miss her to much anymore but seeing the kidds everyother weekend kills me and after 1 yr its not getting any easier. Whatever it takes keep the children healthy and active, let them know they are loved and never stop giving.