This is a serious question and call out for help from my snowest family. How many of you have been through a divorce? How many had little kids with the significant other? I am filing for divorce and would like some feedback, good and bad. Any suggestions would also be appreciated. Thank You!
Divorce advice
- Thread starter eyeles rmk
- Start date
100 percent sure you want to?
my X and I split 4 years ago..two kids..9 and 11 at the time...am glad now that we did...but it is hardest on the kids...my X likes to drink and do drugs..so when the kids are there they pay the price of it...X is always broke, always leaving them home while she goes out, and has a live in deadbeat boyfriend who lives there for free...its the kids who suffer the most..and unless you plan on being superdad it is very hard to make that up to them..I have no girlfriend...my time is spent doing family things with the kids, i also do all doctor/dentist and school functions with them...and it is tough being a single parent...very tough..I have a whole new respect for the single moms of this world....I work two jobs to pay the bills and this is the first year since we split that I have really been able to afford to do anything cool with the kids..for x-mas I went down and bought 3 new 08 polarises..it brought back good times from before the divorce for the kids..we ride almost every other weekend and right now it is all about teaching them safety and powder riding...in the summer we camp/fish/bike/hike/but most of all we do things togeather....not a good choice if your thinking gone with their mom and in with the girlfriend...plan on at least a year of you and the kids...no females around when the kids are there...hope this helps..but kids are ! priority...you are second to that...
Yes, my wife and I have been married for over 2 years but have been together almost 6 We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I have been at most times the sole support. For the entire time that we have been together she has been a financial burden. She is totally irresponsible with money, to the point that we have faced foreclosure on the house a couple times. I have tried seperate accounts but she still gains access and depletes the funds. She also routinely lies about this and other things. I am just sick and tired of fighting over these issues and going backwards money wise.
I have no intention of having a girlfriend. My dad went through this with my mom. He sacrificed everything for my brother and I. I am very willing to do this. My kids mean everything to me.
I have no intention of having a girlfriend. My dad went through this with my mom. He sacrificed everything for my brother and I. I am very willing to do this. My kids mean everything to me.
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skidoorulz
Well-known member
Some people will say stay together for the kids. But if you are always fighting and arguing, is that good for the kids? Think not. Divorce is tough and should always be the last resort. My folks got divorced when I was 12 and at that time I thought it was going to be the end of the world. I very seldom saw my dad afterwards and it was tough on my mom having to go back into the workplace and we grew up barely or not at all making ends meet. I have been married 30 years and even though it was hard I look back at my folks divorce and sometimes feel because of that, my marriage has worked out. There have been tough times in the past and I am sure there will be tough times in the future but I have always had the attitude that everything that happens in a marriage can be forgiven or worked out except for 1 thing. I hope you have exhausted all avenues in making your marriage work. If not don't give up, try to get some help if you have not already done so. If you are a member of a church talk to your Pastor. One more thing, It is a lot harder to make it work than it is to get a divorce, I'll gaurunty that. If you think there is any hope CHOOSE the hard way.
I just noticed my spelling is terrible. Would it be gaurantee?
I just noticed my spelling is terrible. Would it be gaurantee?
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my parents started having trouble when i was about 11, instead of just getting the divorce they drug it on till i was 16. It was horrible, being a teenager you go thorugh alot of changes, and that didnt help.
My parents divorced when I was young. We lived with our Dad (a VERY good thing). When I got married, I was determined that it WAS going to last until death do us part. He changed....and I hid most all of it from my family and friends. Putting up the facade that things were perfect. 
I held on as long as I could take it. I thought it was the right thing for my two sons. I had suggested counseling, and many other things. He wasn't willing to do anything. Things got bad enough, that finally I had to leave.
Yes, it can be very hard to be a single parent. It can also be quite rewarding.
I can remember all the things my birth mother (that's what I call her because she doesn't deserve any better, and yes I've tried many times over the years to foster a relationship) did. Those memories don't completely go away as one ages.
Fast forward to my adult sons.....and I still hear things to this day that I THOUGHT I was doing very well hiding from them. I wanted them to think things were ok between their dad and myself.....only they saw and heard FAR more than I ever had a clue about. It saddens me to know that they were subject to this.
I have since remarried, and this I do intend for life.
I took my time.....I knew what wasn't acceptable to me in a relationship, and what I could and couldn't live with. After 5 years, and him not changing into someone else....and our relationship only getting stronger....I knew it was going to be ok this time.
Divorce is hard, and if things can be worked out...great. Sometimes it just doesn't work though. I actually divorced my first husband, then got back together and remarried him because of false promises. Things were ok for a little while, then back to the same thing.
Good luck with whatever you decide is best for you and your family.
I held on as long as I could take it. I thought it was the right thing for my two sons. I had suggested counseling, and many other things. He wasn't willing to do anything. Things got bad enough, that finally I had to leave.Yes, it can be very hard to be a single parent. It can also be quite rewarding.
I can remember all the things my birth mother (that's what I call her because she doesn't deserve any better, and yes I've tried many times over the years to foster a relationship) did. Those memories don't completely go away as one ages.
Fast forward to my adult sons.....and I still hear things to this day that I THOUGHT I was doing very well hiding from them. I wanted them to think things were ok between their dad and myself.....only they saw and heard FAR more than I ever had a clue about. It saddens me to know that they were subject to this.
I have since remarried, and this I do intend for life.
I took my time.....I knew what wasn't acceptable to me in a relationship, and what I could and couldn't live with. After 5 years, and him not changing into someone else....and our relationship only getting stronger....I knew it was going to be ok this time. Divorce is hard, and if things can be worked out...great. Sometimes it just doesn't work though. I actually divorced my first husband, then got back together and remarried him because of false promises. Things were ok for a little while, then back to the same thing.
Good luck with whatever you decide is best for you and your family.
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mtn_extreme
Well-known member
Exactly as Catwoman found out, don't under-estimate the kids intelligence. The will know what is going on if you stay together just for them. If your done, move on. Get your life in order with some happiness and keep in touch with your kids. They will be way better off sharing in your life of happiness that you and your wifes life of misery!
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sldgy
Guest
Kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one!
If a counselor doesn't work. Get all your stuff in order just and prep for dropping the hammer. Take a day off before you do it and contact all your creditors mainly your credit cards, mortgage company and your vehicle lease/finance company etc. Consult with them your intent and you want to prevent her from racking up charges or refinancing anything. Do not forget your insurance company if your primary on the policies your ok but if your not listed first you don't want her removing you without your knowledge. Contact the 3 Credit Bereau companies (Equifax, trans union, Experion search online) you can put a security block on your credit so that lenders will need you present to give your password info to release your credit info. This will keep her from getting new CC's in you name and racking up bills in your name that can be a hassle to begin with. And if you feel the need consult with an attorney to see if you or her should leave the house and the best way to proceed from there.
I know plenty of people that have gotten their clock cleaned by not seeking advise and preparing for the worst before it happens. Some of her friends and family might view you as a prick but it's better to protect yourself in the long run.
I know plenty of people that have gotten their clock cleaned by not seeking advise and preparing for the worst before it happens. Some of her friends and family might view you as a prick but it's better to protect yourself in the long run.
It will be one of the toughest things you will do in your life. I am assuming that you want to try and get custody also. I am also assuming that there are some additional reasons behind her financial burden( gambling, drugs etc.)
The best advice I could give you is to get her to leave the house and preferably leave the kids. If you leave you will not get the house back. Give her some money so it does not look like you are trying to make her destitute.
Change all the bank accounts immediately. If you don't take it she will. She will spend it and you won't get it back! Make sure you keep track of all the money so that you can show the court where it is and/or how it was spent.
Close all credit cards and joint accounts. Make sure you get all the weird accountslike the hardware store, jewelry store and furniture store. People get really clever at finding out how to get money.
If she has a jewelry or things that are worth anything that you wouldn't mine having back, make sure she knows that you would buy them from her if she gets to the point that she is going to pawn them.
We you get to the settlement stages make her a cash offer. Make it bigger than she deserves, it will propably still be cheaper than dragging it out. If she does not take the offer, drag it out as long as you need to. If she is as bad as you say she will be broke, and unable to properly support herslf and the kids. It will make it easier to negotiate and settle.
The best advice I could give you is to get her to leave the house and preferably leave the kids. If you leave you will not get the house back. Give her some money so it does not look like you are trying to make her destitute.
Change all the bank accounts immediately. If you don't take it she will. She will spend it and you won't get it back! Make sure you keep track of all the money so that you can show the court where it is and/or how it was spent.
Close all credit cards and joint accounts. Make sure you get all the weird accountslike the hardware store, jewelry store and furniture store. People get really clever at finding out how to get money.
If she has a jewelry or things that are worth anything that you wouldn't mine having back, make sure she knows that you would buy them from her if she gets to the point that she is going to pawn them.
We you get to the settlement stages make her a cash offer. Make it bigger than she deserves, it will propably still be cheaper than dragging it out. If she does not take the offer, drag it out as long as you need to. If she is as bad as you say she will be broke, and unable to properly support herslf and the kids. It will make it easier to negotiate and settle.
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Your situation sound very very close to home. Been divorced now for three years and my boys where 4 and 5 at the time the divorce was final. Just like everyone has said the kids know and will be better off with the split. Follow Fosgates advice and take care of your finances. Also retain a lawyer asap so they can start getting things sorted out and help you with all the processes. The key advice (being a single dad in a world that supports single moms more) keep good notes of her actions. Anytime she sleeps in and leaves kids un-attended, kids not fed while you're at work, away for hours at a time with no knowledge of her whereabouts, anything you feel may help your reasoning to retain majority custody of your children. Dates, times and all other critical info (this helped me the most). And most of all talk with your kids, spend every possible moment with them, I actually took the first week after the divorce was final off so I could spend every moment with them and make sure they knew the split was not their fault and mom and dad will always love them more than anything. Good luck and I'm always on here if you ever have any other questions.
Find a mens group and a lawyer first. Do not move out at any cost. If you leave because you have no other choice then for God's sake, take the kids with you. You need to put your ducks in a row to ensure that you get the house and the kids if she is that bad. The courts and laws vary from state to state so don't just take everyone elses advice just to find out later that it just aint so.
If she has opened accounts and or gained access to your accounts fraudulently then you may be able to have her charged with a crime. Again, talk to someone who knows.
Keep in mind that divorce courts are places where judges rule supreme and they can choose to make rulings that fly in the face of the facts and you have little recourse. You will not have a jury or rights that you would have if you were a criminal. You can have your home, children and your paycheck taken away from you if you do not cross your t's and dot your I's.
I have been going around and around in the minnesota divorce mill for 4.5 years now. I kept the house and two of my kids.
In the scenario that you painted, they will call her the primary custodian of the children so she stays in the house with the kids and you being the sole support of the household will get the bill. Be smart and bide your time with the advice of a good lawyer that is reccomended highly by the person or persons that you find in your divorce group. Sone forums are online and you can ask alot of questions about things. Good Luck......
If she has opened accounts and or gained access to your accounts fraudulently then you may be able to have her charged with a crime. Again, talk to someone who knows.
Keep in mind that divorce courts are places where judges rule supreme and they can choose to make rulings that fly in the face of the facts and you have little recourse. You will not have a jury or rights that you would have if you were a criminal. You can have your home, children and your paycheck taken away from you if you do not cross your t's and dot your I's.
I have been going around and around in the minnesota divorce mill for 4.5 years now. I kept the house and two of my kids.
In the scenario that you painted, they will call her the primary custodian of the children so she stays in the house with the kids and you being the sole support of the household will get the bill. Be smart and bide your time with the advice of a good lawyer that is reccomended highly by the person or persons that you find in your divorce group. Sone forums are online and you can ask alot of questions about things. Good Luck......
You know why divorces are so expensive.......????? Because they are worth it.
I have been married for 12 years. The last 5 have been absolutely miserable. I am not without my faults, some of them serious. But my wife has threatened divorce every year for the last 5. This year was the last straw. She has changed her mind but I wish that she was gone. We went through Hell to adopt our son and he is amazing. He is the only bright spot in my life right now! The only reason that I haven't pushed forward with this is the fact that I don't think that I can live without my boy. I have put him to bed every night since he was born, read stories, played snowmobiles, trucks, Spiderman, fixed toys over and over and over. This has become my life and to be allowed to only see him every other weekend would kill me. I can buy a new house but I can't replace him. I can find a woman that makes me happy but I will be empty without him. So I am forced to live in pain for those moments of joy that I have with him. The moments that I would not have if I were to leave.
Now U Go Sledding Whenever U Want!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow. There is some really good advise here. Go see a lawyer before you do anything. That includes dropping the hammer. My wife left me almost one year ago for another guy. I didn't try to get her back. My heart still aches to this day but I know I did the right thing. We were lucky that we didn't have any children together but I miss her little girls very bad. Being a single man isn't as fun as you might think it to be. But it is nice to be able to do anything I want, whenever I want. Plus I have money now.
If you have done everything you could have to save your marriage, by all means get on with your life. Good luck to you. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. But worth it.
If you have done everything you could have to save your marriage, by all means get on with your life. Good luck to you. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. But worth it.
TRUE DAT!!!
this is a great place with great people who have gone through the same issues you are facing. keep your head up. the sw family is here for you!
I have been married for 12 years. The last 5 have been absolutely miserable. I am not without my faults, some of them serious. But my wife has threatened divorce every year for the last 5. This year was the last straw. She has changed her mind but I wish that she was gone. We went through Hell to adopt our son and he is amazing. He is the only bright spot in my life right now! The only reason that I haven't pushed forward with this is the fact that I don't think that I can live without my boy. I have put him to bed every night since he was born, read stories, played snowmobiles, trucks, Spiderman, fixed toys over and over and over. This has become my life and to be allowed to only see him every other weekend would kill me. I can buy a new house but I can't replace him. I can find a woman that makes me happy but I will be empty without him. So I am forced to live in pain for those moments of joy that I have with him. The moments that I would not have if I were to leave.
You just moved up about 20 notches in my opinion, PJ. I went through about 11 years of hell so I could be with my kids all the time. She finally left anyway and I ended up with my kids 90% of the time. Sometimes a man just has to swallow his pride and do the right thing.
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