corporate etiquette

[HDEMWET]

TO: All Employees
FROM: Human Resources
SUBJECT: Foul Language

It has been brought to management's attention that individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner, without risk the of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the #### do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No ####ing way

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be ****ting me!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a ****.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a ****.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my ####ing problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the ####?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This **** won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ***.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat **** and die.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ***.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: #### it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ***.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another ####ing meeting!

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a ****.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the #### you're doing.

Thank You,
Human Resources