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Application for dating daughter

  • Thread starter Thread starter Snow Flake
  • Start date Start date
S

Snow Flake

Guest
1. Name_________________________ Date of Birth____________

2. Height _________ Weight________ IQ________ GPA________

3. Social Security # ______________ Driver’s licence #__________

4. Boy Scout Rank_____________________________________

5. Home Address_____________ City/State ____________ Zip____

6. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____________ If no, explain answer _________________________________

7. Number of years parents married ________________________

8. Do you own a van? _______ A truck with oversized tires?______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______ Do you have a tattoo?_________ (if yes to any of #8, discontinue application and leave the premises)

9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? ____________ __________________________________________________ __.

10. In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER!” mean to you? __________________________________________________ ________.

11. Church you attend _______________ How often do you attend? _______________________

12. When is the best time to interview your father, mother, and bishop? Father ____________ Mother___________ Bishop__________

13. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer all questions freely, all answers are confidential (that means I won’t tell anyone ever- -promise) A. If I were shot, the last place I would want to be wounded is in the __________________ B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broke is my ____________ C. A woman’s place is in the _________________________ D. The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is __________________________________________________ E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is ______________

14. What do you want to be “if” you grow up? ________________

15. Are you willing to wear an electronic tracking device? _______

I swear all information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, crucifixion, electrocution, chinese water torture, and red hot pokers.

Signature ________________________

Thank-you for you interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).
 
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I've got it filled out.. waiting on some very racy pics to decide if application process is worth it.. ;).. :D
 
there are also rules that come attached


Daddy's Rules for Dating

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:

Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

Places where there is darkness.

Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.

Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.

Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay.

Hockey games are okay. Old folks’ homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a slow, potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 
Only rule I have is if yer throat will fit in the nook of my right arm you can date my daughter, now lets see if it fits...............
 
HAHA, my hubby filled that application out, and passed with my dad.....it was actually very funny!!!
 
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