> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
> She asked, 'What's on TV?'
>
> I said, 'Dust.'
> And then the fight started...
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds.'
>
> I bought her a scale.
> And then the fight started...
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
> her someplace expensive ... so, I took her to a gas station.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ----- ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
> apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
> driver's license to verify my age... I looked in my pockets and realized
> I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry,
> but I would have to go home and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
> my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on
> your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
> application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
> experience at the Social Security office.
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability, too.'
> And then the fight started...
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
> reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she
> sat alone at a nearby table.
>
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
>
> I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many
> years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
>
> My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that long?'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> order first.
>
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
> Nah, she can order for herself."
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ---------------------------------
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
> I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
> I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
> cream. And then the fight started....
>
> --------------------------------------------
>
> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
> I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
>
> and then the fight started.....
>
> ---------------------------------------------
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
> I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back
> out into a torrential downpour.
>
> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, > turned on
> the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
> back into bed.
>
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
> anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my
> stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
>
> And then the fight started ...
>
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
>
> And that's when the fight started....
>
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
> while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have
> sex?"
>
> No," she answered.
>
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
>
> "Yes."
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> And that's when the fight started....
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife
> kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always > had
> something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail,
> fishing, always something more important to me.
>
> Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
> grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
> I watched silently for a short time and then went into the
> House. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her
> a toothbrush.
>
> 'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said,
> 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
>
> And then the fight started...
> She asked, 'What's on TV?'
>
> I said, 'Dust.'
> And then the fight started...
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds.'
>
> I bought her a scale.
> And then the fight started...
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
> her someplace expensive ... so, I took her to a gas station.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ----- ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
> apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
> driver's license to verify my age... I looked in my pockets and realized
> I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry,
> but I would have to go home and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
> my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on
> your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
> application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
> experience at the Social Security office.
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability, too.'
> And then the fight started...
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
> reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she
> sat alone at a nearby table.
>
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
>
> I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many
> years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
>
> My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that long?'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> order first.
>
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
> Nah, she can order for herself."
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ---------------------------------
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
> I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
> I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
> cream. And then the fight started....
>
> --------------------------------------------
>
> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
> I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
>
> and then the fight started.....
>
> ---------------------------------------------
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
> I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back
> out into a torrential downpour.
>
> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, > turned on
> the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
> back into bed.
>
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
> anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my
> stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
>
> And then the fight started ...
>
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
>
> And that's when the fight started....
>
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
> while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have
> sex?"
>
> No," she answered.
>
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
>
> "Yes."
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> And that's when the fight started....
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife
> kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always > had
> something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail,
> fishing, always something more important to me.
>
> Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
> grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
> I watched silently for a short time and then went into the
> House. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her
> a toothbrush.
>
> 'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said,
> 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
>
> And then the fight started...
