Monday Chuckle, If Santa answered letters honestly

[Adrenaline Revolution]

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....


Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I
send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.


Santa

*****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you
up with a Barbie.

Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan


Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the sh!ts and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
Scotch.

Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend
most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the a$$es of cocktail waitresses while losing
money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.

Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
PLEASE could I have one?

Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

****************************************************
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself 'Marky', that's why you're getting your a$$
whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa

 

[Gimpster]

*************************************************************

Dear Santa
Those 3 blondes won't work the corners for us any more !
----- Gimpster -----

Dear Gimpster,
Stop sending messages to my X-Mas mail address
Mr. Claus reads some of them.
I will bring 3 Brunettes to replace the blondes.
A year with the elves will do them some good.
Are you still hiding our income taxes from the girls in a swiss bank account, my cash card through them shows no funds ?
You have some 'splainin to do

Santa

*************************************************************

 

[SnowSnob]

that's good stuff