Marriage ????????????????????????????

[Wyoming T/A]

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.


At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'


A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.


A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .

A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'

A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'


Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.


Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'


'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!



Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus.




_____________________________________________________________________

 

[SAWYER]

Lmao

 

[xsummitx]

dam that 20/20 hind sight.

 

[Skinner]

Cracked me up LMFAO

 

[BottomFeeder m7.]

LMFAO!!!!!! You get rep for that

 

[Gimpster]

That explains why...
Since my wedding ring was placed on the ole finger in April
I have been getting hit on by married women, a lot !!!

----- Gimpster -----

 

[ouch]

haha good read.

 

[Chubby]

My favorite

RE: 40's and dating

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2007-10-11, 11:29AM MDT



I am a man in my 40s and dating. I was married and against my wishes the marriage ended. I loved my wife deeply, she decided she no longer loved me and she wasn't "happy". So, now I date. I didn't ask to be in my 40s and single, but reality being what it is I live with it.

I have no plans to ever get married again. I might have a steady girlfriend if the occasion arises, but she'd have to be pretty damn spectacular for me to make that leap. I have had all my children, I am financially secure and have a plan for myself that is better done without a typical American woman's bull**** to goof it up. I don't hate women at all by the way, I just know what is worth my time and what isn't.

I date for the occasional bit of company and to occasionally have sex, that's about it. I don't need a woman in my life full time. I can cook and clean, etc, etc. If I wanted full time companionship, I'd get a dog. Dog's are much easier to deal with than women at this point in my life. Call me shallow, etc etc whatever, that's fine with me. I know me a helluva lot better than anyone else does.

I do have some rules for dating. Since I am not a horny, partying twenty something or a desparate to have kids thirty something these rules work for me. I think everyone ought to come up with what works for them, keeping the reality of their particular situation in mind.

My personal rules:

1. I never seriously date a woman who terminated her last relationship because she wasn't "happy". Happiness is an emotional response to external stimuli. To break the vow of "til' death do us part" over an emotional state that may or may not be another person's fault, is shallow and shows a lack of emotional maturity. It tells me that woman is too self absorbed to be a reliable partner in the future.

2. I don't date fat women. Sorry, all you "BBWs"; get a grip on reality. If you are walking around looking like you have a beer keg stuffed in your pants, you don't give a **** about yourself, so I really don't expect you to give a **** about me in the long run. Don't give me that crap about how happy you are with yourself, you're not and we both know it. If you and I had fallen in love twenty years ago, gotten married and had a family and you had put on the weight, I would still be with you, but we didn't and so I see no need to accommodate your lack of character and discipline.

3. I won't seriously consider dating a woman who has a lot of hangups about sex. Since I have had all my children, since I can cook and clean and make a damn good living for myself and my children, you bring nothing to the table I need in the traditional sense. Hell, most women can't or won't cook a decent meal anymore and are as a general rule clueless in regard to the domestic arts. If you have a lot of hangups about sex before we are monogamous, I pretty much see the writing on the wall after we have been together for a while. You might not like it, but sex is important to men, yes actually, it IS mostly about sex. Now that we are all well educated as to the dangers of unprotected sex, STDs and birth control, I don't see the problem. Your ***** is not the only one in the universe and it isn't plated with gold. If you won't have sex with a man, one of your slutty sisters around the corner will.

4. Feminists. I don't date women who are avowed feminists with a "you go girl" mentality. Sorry, but your little movement ****ed things up in a major way. I think women ought to vote, receive equal pay for equal work etc. etc. I do have enough sense to recognize that whether by design or chance, men and women are different and since I think that form follows function there is a reason for our differences. I don't want to be around a woman who wants to prove to me she is as good as I am at "man" stuff. It is annoying. It makes you look stupid and insecure.

5. "Independent" women. I never date a woman who feels the need to tout her own independence. First, independent entities by definition do not want or need to be in any type of union with another entity. When the United States declared independence from Great Britain, we dissolved the ties that had connected us to the British. I myself am independent and feel no need to tell everyone about it. It is called being an adult. Being able to take care of yourself doesn't make you special, it makes you "grown folks". Second, if you are that independent, why are you looking for a relationship in the first place? Independence is the opposite of dependence and being able to depend on others is why we get into relationships of any kind in the first place.

6. Women who spend every weekend perched on a barstool. I don't date these over the hill party girls because as an adult male, I know why men go to bars and clubs and as a mature adult woman you ought to as well. If you do know and still sit there every weekend you are trying to be something you aren't (young, unless you are a drunk) and I have no desire to be with a woman who lives in a fantasy world. If you haven't figured out why men go to bars and clubs and you are sitting there hoping to meet prince charming, you are clueless and I like to think the women I date have a modicum of intelligence.

7. I don't date women who have their children full time. Might come across as a ****ty attitude to have, but I see no need to be a full time father to someone else's children and a part time father to my own. This is a personal preference I developed after having discussions with my own children. Mine have been through enough already, I'm the Dad and feel I am doing what is best for my children, they were here first.

8. Anyone who is fanatical about much of anything. If you are religious fanatic, I too believe in God. I have a degree in Theology as a matter of fact, but as far as I can tell, God didn't assign any woman at anytime to be my moral gatekeeper. He did tell you to be "keepers at home", if you are so caught up in church work that you are making your family the second priority in your life you aren't following your own rule book. I digress, fanaticism of any kind is a psychological addiction and I prefer to spend my time with people who lead a well balanced life. Addiction of any kind is a turn off.

9. Overly materialistic. My preference. I grew up dirt poor and have by hard work gotten myself to a pretty good spot in life. If you have a desire and need to get the latest and greatest and keep up with the Jones family, you aren't for me. I see no need to potentially work myself into an early grave to keep you in shiny trinkets and new cars. I am pretty content with a pot of beans and a nice clean, comfortable house in a decent neighborhood and a vehicle that works and is safe. If $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ is what motivates you, I am not mad at you or knocking you for it, I am personally not interested. No, I am not "poor", it is about priorities.


There ya go. Don't know why I posted this. Saw the comments about people in their 40s dating and this is what came to mind. I have no real interest in getting into another permanent relationship. I am content to spend the rest of my life single, but that works for me.


For those disparaging the over 40 dating crowd, even 40 somethings get lonely at times, some more than others. Some of those people are there through no fault of their own. they were and are good men and women who had an ex get middle aged crazy and left a good man or woman behind to chase after something they thought they were missing. Maybe the other person was an abusive ******* or addict and the one who is single had to leave for any number of reasons. All sorts of reasons people over 40 are single. Keep breathing and you might find yourself there some day.

 

[WYO312]

Things I have learned about marriage:

Never introduce your wife to people as. “My future ex-wife”

If your wife tells you to kiss her azz, never reply with “which acre” or “it would take me all year”

She is right, eventually I do have to sleep.

 

[Ridgerat]

Who knows why a divorce is sooo expensive?

 

[beer gut]

Who knows why a divorce is sooo expensive?

'Cause it's worth it...

 

[Ridgerat]

Amen

 

[MARV1]

Excellent Chubby, like #7.

 

[WYO312]

I forgot one... Never put the tailgate down on your truck, pat your hand on the tailgate, and tell your wife to "load up". That does not go over well at all...