Idiots of 2005
Number One Idiot of 2005
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2005
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2005
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch
and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and
crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2005
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days
later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Smartass... but you still get a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2005
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man
was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police
and gave the name and address of t he robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2005
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2005
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It
seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event
was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign...
Number One Idiot of 2005
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2005
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2005
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch
and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and
crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2005
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days
later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Smartass... but you still get a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2005
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man
was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police
and gave the name and address of t he robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2005
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2005
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It
seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event
was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign...
