A teacher is teaching a sixth grade class. One of the students in the class is a boy named Fuji who had just come to the United States from Japan only a few months earlier. The teacher turns to the class and says, "Today's lesson will be famous American quotes. I'm going to write a quote on the board and I want you to raise your hand and tell me who said it and the year they said it." She writes on the board, 'Give me liberty or give me death.' Looking over the class she sees no hands being raised until, slowly, Fuji raises his hand. "Fuji," she says. "Patrick Henry, 1776," he says. "That's correct Fuji," she says somewhat amazed, "Very good." She turns back to the board and writes: 'Walk softly and carry a big stick.' Again none of the students raises their hand until Fuji slowly raises his. "Fuji," she says, raising her eyebrows. "President Roosevelt, 1903." "That's right Fuji. That's absolutly correct. Now you American students should be ashamed of yourselves. Fuji has only been in this country a couple of months and already he knows more American history than you students who have been here all your lives. Shame on you. Very good Fuji!" She turns to write another quote on the board when, from the back of the class someone shouts, "F&%k the Japanese!" She spins around and says, "Who said that?" "Harry Truman, 1945" shouts Fuji
George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really *are* Einstein! welcome to heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!" The last to arrive is George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?" George W. looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."
A Marine CO's morning briefing.....
The Commanding Officer of a Regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his Staff and Battalion and Company Commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, he
decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was 'work' and how much of it was 'pleasure? The XO. chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work. A Captain said it was 50-50%.
The Colonel's Aide, a Lt., responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the Colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was his opinion? With no hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir it has to be 100% pleasure."
The Colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why? "Well, Sir," began the PFC, "if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really *are* Einstein! welcome to heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!" The last to arrive is George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?" George W. looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."
A Marine CO's morning briefing.....
The Commanding Officer of a Regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his Staff and Battalion and Company Commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, he
decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was 'work' and how much of it was 'pleasure? The XO. chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work. A Captain said it was 50-50%.
The Colonel's Aide, a Lt., responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the Colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was his opinion? With no hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir it has to be 100% pleasure."
The Colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why? "Well, Sir," began the PFC, "if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
