I am SO going to h ell

[Ollie]

Ever have one of those days when you really have bad gas.
I'm not talking the "poof", blame it on the dog kind of gas, I'm talking the "let er rip", paint peeling, tile curling, birds falling from the sky" kind of gas.
Well that's me today. Don't know what I ate, but WOW.

Well, there is this guy at work. We REALLY don't like each other and we take every opportunety to mess with each other.

Today I had to install a security system on a power distrobution room that he was installing a new power panel in.
IT's a little room, about 6' x 8'.
I tell him I have to step outside the room and latch the door so I can finish wiring the system.
He says, sure whatever.

Well.............. I bend over to pick up my tools and let out one of those LONG but silent ones and quickly leave the room and close the door.
About 15 seconds later I hear.
OMFG!
And someone starts beating on the door and screaming open the @#$% door.
Gee, who could that be I wonder.
I wait about 15 seconds more to open the door.
Here stands this slightly green, looks like he is about to hurl, eyes watering like crazy, HIGHLY pizzed off dude standing there looking at me.

He screams that he is going to get his supervisor and get me fired.
Well, he can't use his radio in this area (its a radio wave free area), so off he goes down the hallway.
I run down to the janitors closet and get the air sanitizer and spray the heck out of the room. The stuff smells sort of like hot insulation, but it is WAY better than what it did smell like in there.
I quickly hide the sanitizer in the office across the hall.
About a minute later here he comes with supervisor in tow.
Supervisor asks me what is going on.
I give him my best, gee I am so innocent and have no clue what you are talking about shrug.
he goes into the room and walks back out.
Looks at the two of us and simply says "go back to work and play nice".

Well about 15 minutes later I am done and cleaning up the mess when Mr. personallity comes out and says he needs wire nuts and away he goes.
I jump back in the room, let out a nice LONG nasty one and slam the door.
Grabbed all my stuff and the air sanitizer and ran for it.

I am so going to H ell.

 

[1M800]

LMFAO!!! Thats funny! I share an office with my brother so I know exactly what you are talking about!

 

[sky7051]

here ya go after that you'll both enjoy this
http://www.snowest.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112535

 

[Powderhound]

Thats Awesome !!!!!!!

 

[xc_rider08]

LMAO!!!!!!!!! that worked perfect!

 

[Snowizard]

Ollie and Sky7051,
you both should add those stories to the "official" forum f@rt thread, here.
http://www.snowest.com/forum/showthread.php?t=96027

I'll add another one of my own. This was quite a few years ago, while I was teaching electronics technology in a community college.

It was my 1:00pm 2-hour electronics laboratory class with 2nd year students. Guys age 19-21.
The benches in the lab were 6ft long, with a "riser shelf" about 16 inches above the bench top.

There were 5 clusters consisting of two benches back-to-back, and of course electronic test equipment piled high on the riser shelf and bench top.

Well 1:00pm was right after I ate lunch in the college cafeteria. I don't rm'br what iI ate, but it was generating enough gas to power the city for about a week. LOL.

One of the benche sides was unoccupied, and there were two students working on the othe side.
I was leaning with my back-side against the empty bench.

D don't get ahead of me here.!)

Trying to hold it in, but out came this lengthy S.B.D. (Silent but deadly)
that wafted beneath both bench tops.
One of the students hollers "OMG!" and starts slugging his bench partner in the shoulder.

The other kid looks shocked and says, "What'd I do, what'd I do? What the He!! are you doing?" Then the 2nd kid gets a whiff of my classic SBD , and hollers "OMG!."

About the time the kid was getting slugged I had slunk away by then, and I don't think they ever knew it was me.
Cheap fun!

 

[Chubbydog]

LMFAO, just next time you lock him in there, ask him who the king is, and don't let him out until he says your name!

 

[H2SNOW]

thats a beauty

 

[HawkShot99]

2 years ago i was working in the store, with 1 other worker. We had been having a contest all day to see who could have the most disgusting smelling/sounding farts. We were at the counter talking to a older man(40's or so) and finished helping him. He walked off and out the door.(There was a doorbell chime for when the door opens. By the door there is the normal local attractions flier rack that many stores have, and there is also a big sunglasses display case. The case is backed up to the flier rack, so we cant actually see the door.

Well my customer had opened the door, we figured he was gone. But no, he had just noticed the flier rack and was now hiding behind the glasses case. Both me and my coworker let out the loudest, wettest, most disgusting farts I have ever heard! All of a sudden we see this man's head stick out from behind the case and give us the worst look you could ever imagine. My coworker ran off into the back of the store howling he was laughing so hard. I was standing there trying not to laugh as this man stared at me. Tears were forming in my eyes from the stench.

Finally the man left, without saying a word, and I was able to disappear to a non gaseous area to breath. That ended our fart wars!

 

[cookiecutter]

LOL thats awesome!!

 

[pullhardr]

Carefull for the SHART!

 

[Tearupamountain]

I don't want to live in a world where you can't fart without fear of being fired. Just not right

 

[Ollie]

I ran into him as I was leaving work tonight.
Man was it hard it is to keep a straight face, and fane innosence while trying not to laugh your azz off.

Wow was he pizzed.

 

[Squirrelchaser]

My greatest moment

Going back about 15-16 years I was a camp counselor, summer job while in high school. Anyway for about a month i was having stomach issues, cramping, pain, no appitite. Then the discomfort turned into the worst farts you could imagine. I mean these were thick, had some serious staying power, could let one go in my room close the door, and if you walked in at any point that day you were in trouble. So the story is one day at work all the kids and counselors were inside (craft day it was raining) I let one of these mustard bombs go in the front of the room. Watching it move through a room of a 150 people lke a storm front rolling in, people running out the door holding there nose some guaging. Took about 1 min for the front to take the whole room. Cleared it ,not a brave sole left except me laughing so hard I was crying and thought I was going to piss and shart myself. The fog also made it into the HVAC (pick up for a/c in basement) and made its way into the offices upstairs Not full strength but eough that there were questions of stink bombs. I was a proud papa that day!!!

 

[Chubbydog]

I let one of these mustard bombs go in the front of the room. !!!

LMFAO, I couldn't even read the rest after that line!

 

[Pimp Daddy]

Ok so about 2 years ago I was a doorman in a high end bar in town. You know the type, $8 drinks $5 cover, dress code the whole she-bang. I workin the crowd (about 250-300 that particular night) when my buddy comes in, earlier that day we were out at a local watering hole eating 20 cent chicken wings like someone was gonna take them away from us. And I love me some spicy chicken wings. Anyway he heard thru the grape vine that a bachelorette party was coming our way and he waned in on the ground floor. Sure enough about 20 minutes later in come these chicks, I would happily do the ugliest one of this group like we are talkin model type chicks. So my friend, full of liquid courage, waltzes into the middle of the pack and starts tryin his best... well he gets laughed out of the circle and walks away rejected. He comes over to me obviously embarrassed and hurt so I say to him, "Check this out!!" I walk into the middle of their crew lookin like I'm just doin my job and I let out this thick, gaseous, could cut it with a knife type crop duster and just kept walkin. I get back to my spot and turn around just in time to see them react to my chemical warfare, the looks of disgust and panic on their faces is something that will bring a smile to my face till the day I die. I swear the bride to be looked like she was gonna hurl. So you do to my brother so you do unto me.

 

[xrated]

Ok so about 2 years ago I was a doorman in a high end bar in town. You know the type, $8 drinks $5 cover, dress code the whole she-bang. I workin the crowd (about 250-300 that particular night) when my buddy comes in, earlier that day we were out at a local watering hole eating 20 cent chicken wings like someone was gonna take them away from us. And I love me some spicy chicken wings. Anyway he heard thru the grape vine that a bachelorette party was coming our way and he waned in on the ground floor. Sure enough about 20 minutes later in come these chicks, I would happily do the ugliest one of this group like we are talkin model type chicks. So my friend, full of liquid courage, waltzes into the middle of the pack and starts tryin his best... well he gets laughed out of the circle and walks away rejected. He comes over to me obviously embarrassed and hurt so I say to him, "Check this out!!" I walk into the middle of their crew lookin like I'm just doin my job and I let out this thick, gaseous, could cut it with a knife type crop duster and just kept walkin. I get back to my spot and turn around just in time to see them react to my chemical warfare, the looks of disgust and panic on their faces is something that will bring a smile to my face till the day I die. I swear the bride to be looked like she was gonna hurl. So you do to my brother so you do unto me.

now that's a good friend!

 

[Sturgis Sledder]

Wait until YOUR taxes go up ! ! !

Cow farts may cost ranchers

In KOTA Territory, it is the smell of money. And, each cow belches and flatulates 500 liters of methane a day.

Emissions, the government may tax.

Ranchers at the Belle Fourche Livestock Exchange say that stinks.

"It's ridiculous. Anybody that can think of something like that doesn't have much to do," Tom Connelly, a rancher said.

"It just seems like another way to put pressure on the cow man," Jerry Kuhbacher, a rancher said.

Under the Clean Air Act, the Environmental Protection Agency considers regulating and charging fees for greenhouse gas emissions from Ollie, cars, and even cattle.

It's estimated to cost about $88 dollars per head each year.

"There's no need to tax cows for emissions that are natural things that they do," Connelly said.

Senator John Thune agrees and promises to do all he can to stop the EPA from taxing livestock and hurting the ranching industry in KOTA Territory.

"That's something that could have tremendous ramifications on South Dakota's economy," Thune said.

"It would put 99.9 percent of the ranchers out of business," Connelly said.

While ranchers and Thune turn up their noses at the notion that cattle pollute, "To think for a minute that livestock production is contributing in a more significant way to the problem of global warming and green house gas emissions than are some of these other sources. It really is almost laughable," Thune said.

Some scientists say it's no joke. They say methane gas has 20 times more impact on global warming than carbon dioxide. Agriculture produces an estimated 37 percent of global methane emissions.

"There's a whole lot more pollution from people than there ever has been from cattle or livestock," Connelly said.

Ranchers here say they're not oblivious to the science, but the law doesn't pass the smell test.

"Everybody wants to save the planet but look this isn't the way to do it," Connelly said.

So far, the EPA has not proposed a formal livestock emissions tax.

The agency released the rule-making notice to highlight the implications of using the Clean Air Act to regulate greenhouse gases.

 

[Trukker]

Ok so about 2 years ago I was a doorman in a high end bar in town. You know the type, $8 drinks $5 cover, dress code the whole she-bang. I workin the crowd (about 250-300 that particular night) when my buddy comes in, earlier that day we were out at a local watering hole eating 20 cent chicken wings like someone was gonna take them away from us. And I love me some spicy chicken wings. Anyway he heard thru the grape vine that a bachelorette party was coming our way and he waned in on the ground floor. Sure enough about 20 minutes later in come these chicks, I would happily do the ugliest one of this group like we are talkin model type chicks. So my friend, full of liquid courage, waltzes into the middle of the pack and starts tryin his best... well he gets laughed out of the circle and walks away rejected. He comes over to me obviously embarrassed and hurt so I say to him, "Check this out!!" I walk into the middle of their crew lookin like I'm just doin my job and I let out this thick, gaseous, could cut it with a knife type crop duster and just kept walkin. I get back to my spot and turn around just in time to see them react to my chemical warfare, the looks of disgust and panic on their faces is something that will bring a smile to my face till the day I die. I swear the bride to be looked like she was gonna hurl. So you do to my brother so you do unto me.

I call Bullchit........."model type chicks"........in Sudbury

 

[knee deep in it]

about 15 years ago, I was working in Northern Alberta selling radio dispatch equipment. I had sold a large piece to Al Pac pulp mill. Myself an two technicians were on the way to install it. I was sitting in the back of the Chevy Van on top of the Base Station cabinet while they yakked in the front seats.

The night before, my mother in law made some Trinidad curry for me. It was incredible but the pepper sauce was, by far, the hottest thing I had ever eaten. She made it for me because I was coming down with the flu and she swore that super hot food, rum, and some sleep would be the best cure.

We are driving up to the plant and my insides are a raging sea of fire. The van is very loud so they couldn't hear the gurgling noises emminating from the rear. Finally, I can't keep it in any longer. I let got he longest silent foulest thing I have ever experienced. it was so bad that I could hardly stand it.

The Phillipino guy in the passenger seats lets out a loud "aw jeez" and then rolls up the window. For the next 5 minutes, we all suffered.

Round 2 comes and the same thing happens. I let out some silent death, the Phillipino guys swears and then rolls up his window. We all suffer.

Finally, on the third round, he screams out "damned chicken farms" as he rolls up the window. I started laughing so hard, I almost fell to the floor.