Couple Funny Ones for a Friday Morning

[Arctic Thunder]

The last one is a classic.


I dialed a number and got the following

recording:** **

"I am not available right now, but

Thank you for caring enough to call.

I am making some changes in my life.

Please leave a message after the

Beep. If I do not return your call,

You are one of the changes."

**************************************************



What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress.

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What's the difference between stress, tension

and panic?*

Stress is when wife is pregnant,*

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,*

and Panic is when both are pregnant.*

**************************************************



A woman asks man who is traveling with six

children,

"Are all these kids yours?"*

The man replies, "No, I work in a condom

factory and these

are customer complaints".

**************************************************



A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the

difference between confident and confidential?"*

Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident

about that.

Your friend over there, is also my son, that's

confidential."

**************************************************



Nominated as the best short joke this year...

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles

while taking a bath.

Mom" he asked, "are these my

brains?"

"Not yet," she replied .