Catholic Joke

[HawkShot99]

>A cabbie picks up a Nun.
>
>She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
>handsome Cab driver won't stop staring at her.
>
>She asks him why he is staring.
>
>He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't
>want to offend you."
>
>She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When
>you're as old as I am And have been a nun as long as I
>have, you get a chance to see and Hear just about
>everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
>say or ask that I would find offensive."
>
>"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss
>me."
>
>She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about
>that: #1, you have To be single and #2, you must be
>Catholic."
>
>The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm
>single and Catholic!"
>
>"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
>
>The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would
>Make a hooker blush.
>
>But when they get back on the road, the cab driver
>starts crying.
>
>"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
>
>"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must
>confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
>
>The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm
>going to a Halloween party.

 

[HawkShot99]

At the Vatican three Nuns die and go to heaven, where St. Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates. He says, "Ladies you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you would like to be." The first Nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren," and "poof" she's gone. The second Nun says, "I want to be Madonna," and "poof" she's gone. The third Nun say's, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. Who? He says. "Sarah Pipalini," replies the Nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name doesn't ring a bell." The Nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says....
"No sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline' laid by 1,900 men in 6 months.

 

[HawkShot99]

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

 

[HawkShot99]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

 

[HawkShot99]

After the Baptism of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys."

 

[HawkShot99]

A Jewish couple has a son who is a holy terror. When he gets to be of age, he's kicked out of every school they put him in. Finally desperate, the father goes to the Rabbi for advice and the Rabbi says put him in the Catholic school. Shocked, the father asks if the Rabbi sure. "Yes" is the reply, so the father takes him to the nuns and leaves.

An hour goes by, then two hours, lunch time and finally at three the son comes in says "Good afternoon Papa, good afternoon Mama," goes to the table and starts on his homework. The father is amazed and finally ask why he stayed in school all day and why he is behaving so well. His son looks up and says "Papa when you left, the Mother Superior told me that they did not allow rowdy boys, then she took me to my room. Papa they mean business! They've got a Jew nailed on a Cross in every room!"

 

[HawkShot99]

A man suffered a serious heart attack which required bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital .

As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions about how he was going to pay for his treatment.

She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice,” No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied,” No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, “I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and loudly announced, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied...

"Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

 

[PJ-Hunter]

HAHA! All gooders!

 

[Mafesto]

Bump

 

[Scott]

I had missed this one before.


OLD threads you are digging through. LOL

 

[Mafesto]

I had missed this one before.


OLD threads you are digging through. LOL

Yea, no snow will do that to a guy.

 

[POLZIN]

the catholic church is a non- profit ! now that's a joke!

 

[I.P.Yellow]

the catholic church is a non- profit ! now that's a joke!

So are Muslim mosques. Which would you rather have?

 

[POLZIN]

So are Muslim mosques. Which would you rather have?

Don't care for either.