This was to good not to share with you guys.
*How to prepare yourself for Snowmobiling:*
1. Go to your local snowmobile repair shop, smile and give the
first guy you see $200. This will get you used to spending money
there on a regular basis.
2. Fill a 50-gallon barrel with sand. Lower it into a hole.
Now lift it out. If you can, add water to the sand and try it
again. Do this 5 times per day. This will get your back in shape
for lifting your sled out of the deep snow.
3. Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly
with each arm until the pain in your shoulders meets somewhere
in middle of your back. This will get you in shape for starting
your bud's sled, which he conveniently forgot was out of gas.
It's best to do this exercise while someone is spraying starting
fluid into your nose and eyes also.
4. Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with a strong
laxative. Dress in long underwear, wool pants, snowmobile bibs,
insulated boots and heavy coat. Walk far into the woods without
any paper products and wait for a personal emergency. This gets
you prepared for the Beer squirts that come out of nowhere, and
at the wrong time.
5. Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Put
the carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep
freeze. Now climb in the deep freeze, shut the lid and overhaul
the carburetor while holding a pen light in your mouth. This
gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing cold
and black of night. Advanced riders do this with a leatherman
tool.
7. Dress up in your new $350 snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil
down the right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint
Schnapps and Beer all over the front. Fill your boots with ice
cubes and ask your wife or girlfriend to dance. This will
prepare her for the stops at the local bar after a ride.
8. Put on a Balaclava and a full-face helmet. Attempt to drink
hot chocolate through the opening. Advanced riders attempt this
while riding a lawn tractor over in the nearest farmers' field.
9. Find a place where you can pay $3.75 per gallon for regular
gas; $10.00 per quart of oil; $16 for a hamburger and frozen
French fries; $3 for a coke and $160 to sleep in a cold cabin on
a bed with springs sticking through the mattress. Stay for two
nights, minimum. This will prepare you for the high cost of
your future winter trips.
10. Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan
for a $60,000 truck to pull the four $20,000 toys, in your
$19,000 trailer that you still owe $50,000 on. Now, you are
50% ready, and somewhat conditioned to head for the trails and
ride your sled.
*How to prepare yourself for Snowmobiling:*
1. Go to your local snowmobile repair shop, smile and give the
first guy you see $200. This will get you used to spending money
there on a regular basis.
2. Fill a 50-gallon barrel with sand. Lower it into a hole.
Now lift it out. If you can, add water to the sand and try it
again. Do this 5 times per day. This will get your back in shape
for lifting your sled out of the deep snow.
3. Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly
with each arm until the pain in your shoulders meets somewhere
in middle of your back. This will get you in shape for starting
your bud's sled, which he conveniently forgot was out of gas.
It's best to do this exercise while someone is spraying starting
fluid into your nose and eyes also.
4. Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with a strong
laxative. Dress in long underwear, wool pants, snowmobile bibs,
insulated boots and heavy coat. Walk far into the woods without
any paper products and wait for a personal emergency. This gets
you prepared for the Beer squirts that come out of nowhere, and
at the wrong time.
5. Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Put
the carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep
freeze. Now climb in the deep freeze, shut the lid and overhaul
the carburetor while holding a pen light in your mouth. This
gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing cold
and black of night. Advanced riders do this with a leatherman
tool.
7. Dress up in your new $350 snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil
down the right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint
Schnapps and Beer all over the front. Fill your boots with ice
cubes and ask your wife or girlfriend to dance. This will
prepare her for the stops at the local bar after a ride.
8. Put on a Balaclava and a full-face helmet. Attempt to drink
hot chocolate through the opening. Advanced riders attempt this
while riding a lawn tractor over in the nearest farmers' field.
9. Find a place where you can pay $3.75 per gallon for regular
gas; $10.00 per quart of oil; $16 for a hamburger and frozen
French fries; $3 for a coke and $160 to sleep in a cold cabin on
a bed with springs sticking through the mattress. Stay for two
nights, minimum. This will prepare you for the high cost of
your future winter trips.
10. Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan
for a $60,000 truck to pull the four $20,000 toys, in your
$19,000 trailer that you still owe $50,000 on. Now, you are
50% ready, and somewhat conditioned to head for the trails and
ride your sled.
