May be old but still funny as hell!
How to prepare yourself for Snowmobiling
1. Go to your local snowmobile repair shop, smile and give the first guy you
see $200. This will get you used to spending money there on a regular basis.
2. Fill a 50-gallon barrel with sand. Lower it into a hole. Now lift it out.
If you can, add water to the sand and try it again. Do this 5 times per day.
This will get your back in shape for lifting your sled out of the deep snow.
3. Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly with each arm
until the pain in your shoulders meets somewhere in middle your back. This
will get you in shape for starting your buds sled, which he conveniently
forgot was out of gas.It's best to do this exercise while someone is
spraying starting fluid into your nose and eyes also.
4. Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with a strong laxative. Dress
with long underwear, wool pants, snowmobile bibs, insulated boots and heavy
coat. Walk far into the woods without any paper products and wait for a
personal emergency. This get you prepare for the Beer s***s that come out of
nowhere, and at the wrong time.
5. Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Put the
carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep freeze.Now climb
in the deep freeze, shut the lid and overhaul it while holding a pen light
in your mouth. This gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing
cold and black of night. Advanced riders do this with a leatherman tool
7. Dress up in your new $350 snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil down the
right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint Schnapps and Beer all
over the front. Fill your boots with ice cubes and ask your wife or
girlfriend to dance. This will prepare her for the stops at the local bar
after a ride.
8. Put on a Balaclava and a full-face helmet. Attempt to drink hot chocolate
through the opening. Advanced riders attempt this while riding a lawn
tractor over in the nearest farmers' field.
9. Find a place where you can pay $4.50 a gallon for regular gas; $19.99
per quart of oil; $16 for a hamburger and frozen French fries; $3 for a coke
and $160 to sleep in a cold cabin on a bed with springs sticking through the
mattress. Stay for two nights, minimum. This will prepare you on the high
cost of your future winter trips.
10. Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan for a
$60,000 truck to pull the four $20,000 toys, in your $19,000 trailer that
you still owe $50,000 on.
Now, you are 50% ready, and somewhat conditioned to head for the trails and
ride your sled.
How to prepare yourself for Snowmobiling
1. Go to your local snowmobile repair shop, smile and give the first guy you
see $200. This will get you used to spending money there on a regular basis.
2. Fill a 50-gallon barrel with sand. Lower it into a hole. Now lift it out.
If you can, add water to the sand and try it again. Do this 5 times per day.
This will get your back in shape for lifting your sled out of the deep snow.
3. Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly with each arm
until the pain in your shoulders meets somewhere in middle your back. This
will get you in shape for starting your buds sled, which he conveniently
forgot was out of gas.It's best to do this exercise while someone is
spraying starting fluid into your nose and eyes also.
4. Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with a strong laxative. Dress
with long underwear, wool pants, snowmobile bibs, insulated boots and heavy
coat. Walk far into the woods without any paper products and wait for a
personal emergency. This get you prepare for the Beer s***s that come out of
nowhere, and at the wrong time.
5. Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Put the
carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep freeze.Now climb
in the deep freeze, shut the lid and overhaul it while holding a pen light
in your mouth. This gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing
cold and black of night. Advanced riders do this with a leatherman tool
7. Dress up in your new $350 snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil down the
right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint Schnapps and Beer all
over the front. Fill your boots with ice cubes and ask your wife or
girlfriend to dance. This will prepare her for the stops at the local bar
after a ride.
8. Put on a Balaclava and a full-face helmet. Attempt to drink hot chocolate
through the opening. Advanced riders attempt this while riding a lawn
tractor over in the nearest farmers' field.
9. Find a place where you can pay $4.50 a gallon for regular gas; $19.99
per quart of oil; $16 for a hamburger and frozen French fries; $3 for a coke
and $160 to sleep in a cold cabin on a bed with springs sticking through the
mattress. Stay for two nights, minimum. This will prepare you on the high
cost of your future winter trips.
10. Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan for a
$60,000 truck to pull the four $20,000 toys, in your $19,000 trailer that
you still owe $50,000 on.
Now, you are 50% ready, and somewhat conditioned to head for the trails and
ride your sled.
